


Strangers Make the Best Friends

by justspn



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: A love of firsts, Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Breakups, Brother support, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Roommates, Freshman Year, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Protective Benny Lafitte, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Using the L-word, handjobs, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 10:11:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14353338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justspn/pseuds/justspn
Summary: “Ah, here we are,” Dean said, approaching the door numbered 341. The name tags on the door read Dean and Castiel. Dean’s stomach felt a little more anxious and a little less excited. What kind of name was Castiel? Dean hoped he wasn’t some weird guy who would get them in trouble for drugs or alcohol. Dean unlocked the door with his new key and went inside, Sam close at his heels.Someone Dean assumed to be Castiel was folding a giant pile of clothes on his bed. He looked up when Dean and Sam entered the room.





	1. Chapter 1

-Dean- 

“Grab that box,” Dean directed, pointing to a cardboard box sitting on the curb. Sam groaned but followed Dean’s instructions. Dean set the box he was carrying on the curb to lock the Impala before picking it up again. 

The college campus was fluttering with action. Students were moving in for the school year and the air was filled with excitement. 

Dean lead the way into his dormitory building. He could hear Sam shuffling behind him as he made his way up the stairs to the third floor. All the doors in the long hallway were propped open and people were buzzing in and out. Dean swallowed, his stomach twisting into anxiously excited knots. He read the door numbers as he walked, searching for his new home. 

“Ah, here we are,” Dean said, approaching the door numbered 341. The name tags on the door read Dean and Castiel. Dean’s stomach felt a little more anxious and a little less excited. What kind of name was Castiel? Dean hoped he wasn’t some weird guy who would get them in trouble for drugs or alcohol. Dean unlocked the door with his new key and went inside, Sam close at his heels.

Someone Dean assumed to be Castiel was folding a giant pile of clothes on his bed. He looked up when Dean and Sam entered the room. 

“Hey.” Dean flashed a smile. Castiel half smiled and stopped folding laundry. 

“Hello. I’m Castiel,” he said, extending a hand. Dean set his box on the floor before shaking it. 

“Dean Winchester,” he answered. Castiel nodded at Dean’s introduction, his blue eyes piercing Dean’s. Dean felt them all the way to his toes. He smiled again, slightly dazed. He’d never seen eyes so blue. 

“Dean, where should I put this?” Sam asked. 

“Huh?” Dean spun around. Sam was still holding the box. “Oh, just put it on the floor by my bed.” Sam did, and then left the room. 

“Do you need any help bringing your belongings up?” Castiel asked, glancing over his shoulder at the pile of clothes on the bed.

“No, thanks. We’ve pretty much got it all in here already.” Dean quirked a smile before leaving the room. Sam was waiting for him in the hallway. 

“He looks kinda shady, Dean,” Sam said quietly. Dean laughed and turned to find the stairs.

“Shut up Sammy. He looks fine,” Dean answered.

“How do you know?” Sam groaned. They were at the Impala now. Dean sighed and unlocked the back door. 

“Sam, I’ll be fine. He looks harmless. Plus, I won’t be spending much time in my room, if you know what I mean.” Dean suggested, winking when Sam looked at him. Sam rolled his eyes. 

“Gross, Dean. Too much information.” Sam said, grabbing another box. Dean laughed and slung his duffle over his shoulder. He picked up the last suitcase in the car and closed the door. 

“Let’s go Sammy,” Dean said, still chuckling to himself. 

They made their way upstairs again. The door was propped open this time, allowing Dean to carry things in both hands instead of needing one free to unlock the door. 

“Is that everything?” Castiel asked when he heard Dean walk into the room. 

“Yup,” Dean answered. He pointed to the other boxes when Sam raised his eyebrows. 

“You travel light,” Castiel observed, his eyes squinting. Dean smiled. 

“Yeah, guess I do,” he responded. He went over to the pile of boxes and opened the top one. He had packed in a hurry, so nothing was organized. He decided the best way to move in was to do what Castiel was doing. He piled everything on his bed and then put the empty boxes out in the hall to be taken away with the garbage. 

“So, what are you studying?” Dean asked, making conversation. Sam was slumped in a chair in the corner looking bored. “I went in undecided but I think I might change lanes to business.” Dean could tell he was babbling but there wasn’t much he could do to stop himself. He was nervous about getting to know this guy. 

“Biology. Pre-med,” Castiel said plainly. Dean nodded. He’d never been a science person. As he folded his clothes and put them in his closet he realized he hadn’t brought any hangers. He made a mental note to pick some up the next time he went into town. After packing his backpack with his school supplies and putting his shower caddy together, there wasn't much else for Dean to do to unpack. He had Sam help him make his bed and move it around a little so his head was next to the window, the way he slept at home.

“So what’s there to do for fun around here?” Dean asked, piling his pillows up. He knew what was around because the college was only a 45 minute drive from the high school he went to. He was trying to get Castiel to say more than 5 words in a sentence. 

“I am unsure,” Castiel answered, putting away the last of his clothing. Dean felt a frown tug a the corners of his lips. Maybe getting to know this guy would be harder than he thought.

“Hey, Dean, I gotta get home. School tomorrow, remember?” Sam interjected. He seemed impatient. 

“Right. Okay,” Dean said. He turned to Castiel. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” 

“Alright,” Castiel responded. 

Dean smiled and left the room, tapping on the doorframe as he went. Sam waved and followed after him.

 

As soon as they were in the car Dean could feel Sam sulking. “What’s up with you?” he asked once they were on the highway headed home. Sam shrugged. “Come on Sammy. Don’t be like this. Spill,” Dean said, glancing over at his brother. Ever since their mom died, Sam had this habit of shutting everything down when he got overwhelmed. He’d stop talking, stop participating, even try to stop existing. It was hard for Dean to watch because he couldn’t fix it. 

“I don’t want you to go,” Sam whispered. Dean almost missed it and reached up to turn the radio off. 

“I know Sammy. I don’t want to go either but I don’t have a choice,” Dean said quietly. He sighed. “I won’t be far away. And you can call or text me as much as you want to. And I can come home on the weekends, or you can come visit. I’m really not that far from home.” 

“Yeah, I know all that,” Sam said. He was getting mad, like his problem should be easy for Dean to figure out and he was frustrated he was going to have to explain it to his older brother.

“Then what is it?” Dean asked. 

“It’s Dad,” Sam huffed. Dean stiffened automatically. Of course. Dad. Dean had blocked him out of his mind as much as he could.

“You’re almost old enough to move out. Just hold off until then, okay?” Dean said. He hated the fact that he wouldn’t be home to protect Sam from their father anymore. It bothered him so much that he almost didn’t go to college, but his guidance counselor at the high school wouldn’t stand for that. She said that she would watch out for Sam, take him out of the home if things got bad. He knew that Bobby and Ellen, friends of their mom’s, would help him too, if he needed it.

“I’m gonna end up hitting him. It’s gonna happen,” Sam whispered. Dean shook his head. 

“No, Sam. You can’t do that. It’ll just make him worse. Remember when I did it?” Dean asked, his mind flashing back to when it happened. 

He had been out with a few of his friends. It was late, past his curfew, but he figured John, his father, would be asleep. He normally didn’t stay up and wait for Dean or Sam to come home. This time was different. Dean walked through the front door and closed it silently behind him. When he turned around, John was right in front of him. Dean could smell the liquor on his breath.

“Where have you been?” John asked, his words not slurred at all. 

“Out with Jo and Garth. I told you about it this morning, remember?” Dean started easing his way around his father towards his bedroom. 

“It’s 1am. Your curfew’s at 11,” John said, his voice growing louder as he spoke. 

“Will you keep it down? Sam is asleep.” Dean began regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth. 

“Keep it down? Why would I do that? Apparently it’s not that late!” John shouted, reaching for Dean’s arm. Dean slid out of his father’s reach which only made John angrier. “Get over here boy.” John’s voice was frighteningly calm. Dean swallowed around the nervous lump in his throat and went up to his father, expecting the blow any second. “This’ll be the last time you break curfew,” John huffed, balling his fist. 

Dean didn’t let him get the chance to swing, because he swung first. He knocked John in the jaw. John stumbled backwards into the coffee table. If Sam wasn’t awake before, he certainly was then. Dean didn’t give John the chance to recover, just pursued him, hitting his father over and over. All the anger Dean had kept inside since his mom died came spilling out. All the rage he felt at John for hitting Sam, for drinking too much, for abandoning his job as father. Dean was sick of it. 

“Dean, stop!” Sam yelled from the stairs. Dean turned around for a second, looking to see where Sam was, to see if he was safe. While Dean was turned around, John came up from behind him and knocked him to the ground. Dean felt his arm snap when he landed, but forced himself to get back up. The pain was making him dizzy and he could hear Sam screaming for them to stop it behind them. John had the most awful look in his eyes, like he might actually hurt Dean. Really hurt him, not just a bruise or a broken arm. Dean gritted his teeth as he moved his arm, trying to take another swing. Someone grabbed his shoulder before he could hit his father.

“Will you two knock it off? Somebody’s gonna call the cops on you!” Bobby Singer, their neighbor and John’s friend yelled. Dean winced and backed away, cradling his arm. 

“That little-,” John started, lurching towards Dean. Bobby stopped him with an arm. “He needs to be taught a lesson.” John was seething. 

“He’s got a broken arm, ain’t that enough?” Bobby asked. John stopped briefly, glancing at Dean. “Just go to bed you idjit.” Bobby pushed John the in direction of his bedroom. 

Once John was out of sight Bobby motioned for Dean to come closer. 

“Where does it hurt?” Bobby asked. He could see where the bone was broken. 

“The whole thing hurts but there the most.” Dean pointed to a place between his elbow and his wrist. 

“I’m gonna take you to the hospital, get it x-rayed,” Bobby said. “Sam, you gonna come?” Sam nodded and slinked over to Dean’s side. 

 

“Just lay low and try to stay out of his way,” Dean said. Sam nodded and looked out the window at the flat Kansas earth passing by. Dean sighed. “I’ll tell you what. As soon as you turn 16 you can come live with me, okay? You can get your license and you can drive back and forth to school, and you’ll never have to see Dad again.” Sam broke out in a smile. 

“You’re for real?” Sam asked.

“Yep,” Dean answered. He knew that Sam and John didn’t get along. They butted heads about everything because they were so similar. It was only a matter of time before they had a colossal fight. Dean knew that. He just didn’t want it to happen. He’d managed to hold them off in the past, taking the blows for Sam. 

“I’m gonna try not to lose my temper. I really am,” Sam said. He had almost a year until he turned 16.

“I know you are. And if things get bad, leave. Go stay with Jess.” Dean smirked. Jess was Sam’s girlfriend. He was totally, head over heels in love with her.

“Oh, shut up,” Sam said. He was smiling though, and his cheeks were growing red. 

“You can’t be gone for good though, not until you’re 16. That could cause big trouble and you don’t want to deal with that,” Dean said. Sam nodded and reached up to turn the radio back on. 

“A year will pass in no time. Just you wait,” Dean said, pressing down on the accelerator. 

-Castiel-

Castiel looked around the room, unsure what to do now that he was unpacked. He supposed he could walk around campus and find all his classrooms. That would make him feel more secure about going to class first thing in the morning. 

Since there was no homework or readings assigned yet, Castiel felt like he was wasting his time sitting around doing nothing. Dean wasn’t even around. Castiel was glad Dean seemed like a nice guy, although he was attractive and it seemed like Dean knew it. In Castiel’s experience, that meant that Dean was probably intolerant. There had been many guys like Dean at Castiel’s high school, and each one of them was rude to everyone except the girl they were trying to get into bed with. 

Castiel sighed and slipped his shoes on. It was going to be a long year.

 

As he walked around campus, schedule clutched tightly in hand, he started imagining the ways this year could end in catastrophe. Dean could be a drug dealer, or a partier, or a male prostitute. What if Dean got Castiel into trouble? Castiel didn't have the financial means for a lawyer, so dropping out would be the only logical answer to getting into trouble. He had worked hard to get into school and he wasn't about to let some delinquent ruin everything. 

Castiel was so busy thinking and pressing his nose into a campus map that he didn't see the person cut into the sidewalk in front of him. They collided and snapped Castiel out of his daydream.

“Sorry,” Castiel started. It was Dean he had run into.

“Hey Castiel. Sorry about that. Wasn’t watching where I was going,” Dean said, smirking ever so slightly. 

“It’s no problem Dean. I wasn’t paying attention my self,” Castiel answered, looking at his surroundings and then back at the map.

“Whatcha up to?” Dean asked, noticing the map in Castiel’s hands.

“Trying to find my classrooms for tomorrow.” Castiel squinted at the tiny printing on the map.

“That’s a good idea. Mind if I join you?” Dean asked, pulling his schedule out of his back pocket.

“If you would like, you may,” Castiel said. He wondered what kind of classes Dean was taking. He couldn't imagine they were very difficult, business courses compared to pre-med. 

“I’m in the English building first. Mind if I look at that map?” Dean asked. Castiel handed the map over and looked at his own schedule. He had already found all his classrooms, now it was just a matter of remembering what time on what days he needed to be where. He hoped he would have it figured out by the end of the week.

“I think we have to go this way. Were you on your way somewhere?” Dean asked. Castiel shook his head and let Dean lead the way to the English building. Castiel had tested out of all the English he needed to take in high school. 

Wandering around the seemingly empty campus with Dean was enjoyable. He wasn’t bad company, as much as Castiel didn’t want to admit it. Dean did most of the talking and seemed like a typical guy. Castiel was shocked to hear Dean had never played a sport in high school. Dean had moved a lot apparently, so he figured he wouldn’t be able to maintain the commitment needed to play on a team. 

When they had found all their classrooms, Dean suggested eating some dinner. Castiel had been hungry since Dean left with his brother, but didn’t want to try and face the cafeteria alone. 

“Yes, dinner sounds like a wonderful idea,” Castiel said, folding the map up and putting it in his pocket. All the way to the dining hall Dean talked and talked about high school and his brother. Castiel wished he could remember the brother’s name. He wasn't sure if Dean had even mentioned his name when he first moved in. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but what is your brother’s name? I can’t remember,” Castiel asked, not able to contain the question a second longer. 

“Did I forget to introduce you two? His name is Sammy. Sam. You should call him Sam,” Dean answered, laughing to himself. 

“Sam. Thank you.” Castiel looked up at the dining hall in front of him and felt dread settle in his stomach. He never did like eating in front of people.

“No problem Cas,” Dean said, watching Castiel carefully for a reaction. 

Castiel stopped dead in his tracks and looked over at Dean through squinted eyes. No one had given him a nickname before. He was trying to decide if he liked it or not when Dean asked, “Can I call you Cas?”

“Yes. I’ve never had a nickname before, but Cas sounds alright,” Cas said, one corner of his lips pulling up into a tiny smile.

Dean smiled at the fact that he got a smile out of Cas and that he didn’t have to say Castiel all the time. It was sort of a mouth full, and honestly, Cas was easier to remember. 

“Alright Cas, let’s get this first meal over with, shall we?” 

“Yes, let’s get it over with. I’m very much dreading it,” Cas said, wringing at his fingers.

“Ehh, it’ll be okay. Besides, we have each other,” Dean said, holding the door open for Cas. 

 

Overall, the first dinner of college went well. It wasn’t as scary as Cas had imagined it, and, like Dean had said, they had each other. Dean had seemed to talk himself out and Cas didn’t feel like saying much, so they sat in the loudness of a cafeteria and ate their room temperature spaghetti with red sauce. There were chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Cas had to admit, he could see why the Freshman 15 was a thing to worry about. The cookies were the best he had ever tasted. Dean took a napkin and snuck a few back to their room despite the signs everywhere telling the students not to remove food from the dining hall. It made Cas nervous, like they would be caught any second and expelled before classes even started. 

“Relax man, they don’t care. As long as we don't take their dishes we’re golden,” Dean said, noticing how uncomfortable Cas looked when they walked by the woman scanning people’s dining passes. 

“I would dislike being expelled on the first night of college,” Cas whispered, walking quickly to get away from the scene of the crime. 

Dean jogged to catch up to him. “We won’t get expelled for stealing cookies Cas,” Dean laughed.

“Let’s see you laugh when your whole future is rescinded right before your eyes,” Cas said, scanning his card to get into the dorm. 

Dean shook his head and followed Cas up three flights of stairs to their room. 

“Have you looked at the showers yet?” Dean asked, pulling his t-shirt up over his head. 

Cas’ eyes grew wide. “Showers?”

“Yeah, most people use them to clean themselves. You know, water sprays out of a nozzle from the wall and you can pick warm or cold and you get under it,-”

“I know what a shower is, Dean,” Cas snapped, sitting on his bed.

“So what’s the big deal?” Dean asked, grabbing his shower caddy, a towel, and his flip flops. 

“I didn't even think to look at the shower when I toured. That could have made my final decision much easier.” Cas wrung his fingers again.

“The shower would have determined which school you went to?” Dean asked, surprised that something like that would come out of someone’s mouth. He had never cared about what a shower was like, only that there was one and it at least had a temperature other than ice cold. 

“What if the shower head isn’t high enough? Or there are no towel hooks? Or, even worse, there are no curtains?” Cas was getting himself into a frenzy. 

“How about I go take one and let you know how it goes, okay?” Dean suggested, feeling bad for the poor guy. 

“Yes, that will help.” Cas wrung his hands twice more and took a deep breath. “That will help.” 

 

“The shower is 100% a-okay.” Dean announced, walking back into the room wearing only a towel. “There are curtains, the shower head is tall enough, the towel hooks are perfectly located, and there’s even a place to change before you come out of the shower.” Dean told Cas, kicking off his flip flops. 

“I appreciate your information. It makes me feel like I made the right choice after all,” Cas said quietly, gathering up his own shower things. 

-Dean-

Dean waited for Cas to leave the room before he dropped his towel and changed into his pajamas. So far, this whole college thing was feeling pretty okay. He had a constant nervous knot tied in his stomach, but he felt like it would go away with time. Cas seemed to be someone Dean could find a friend in once he got past the anxiety-ridden outside shell of The Firsts. After Cas had a chance to adjust Dean hoped he would calm down and stop worrying about everything. 

Dean crawled into his bed and pulled his schedule off his desk. He looked at it, trying to memorize the whole thing. It wasn’t very effective. He kept getting sidetracked thinking about what classes would be like the next day. Would the work be hard? Would he be the dumbest one in class? Would he be able to keep up? Honestly, he felt as anxious as Cas looked. He wondered if Cas knew he was nervous too. Maybe it would help him calm down some if they could be nervous together. 

Dean put his schedule back on his desk and pulled out his phone. He sent Sam a goodnight text and opened his Kindle app. He was in the middle of an intense murder mystery. He was right at the part where the protagonist was about to figure out who the murderer was when the bad guy snuck up behind him and held a knife to his throat. Just then Cas walked through the door. Dean jumped out of his skin.

“Jesus Cas, you scared me,” Dean laughed, wiping a hand down his face.

“I apologize if you don’t like my pajamas,” Cas said, unsure of how he’d frightened Dean.

Dean looked at Cas’ pajamas. He had on a pair of Grey’s Anatomy sleep pants and a plain shirt. Nothing about it was scary. “No man, I’m reading a murder mystery and you walked in right when the main character was about to get ganked,” Dean explained. 

Cas nodded as he shut off the light and climbed into his own bed. 

Dean set his phone on his chest and looked at the dark ceiling. “We have class at the same time tomorrow, right?" he asked.

“Yes, I believe we do,” Cas answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Want to grab breakfast together before we go our separate ways?" Dean asked. He wanted someone to eat breakfast with. 

“That sounds pleasant. See you in the morning. Goodnight Dean,” Cas said, yawning. 

“Goodnight Cas,” Dean answered, rolling over. He was too nervous to sleep but he needed to be rested for the first day of class. He sighed and continued reading the murder mystery until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

-Dean-

Dean awoke to his alarm beeping in his ear. Cas’ was going off as well, and they both groaned and rolled over to sleep for five more minutes. Dean hadn't slept as much as he would've liked to. His nerves kept getting the better of him and he stayed up much later than he intended on doing. He knew Cas had been up late too because of how he kept tossing and turning until a light snore started. 

After sitting up, the nervous knot settled itself in Dean’s stomach again and he swallowed thickly as he got out of bed. He grabbed his toothbrush and went to the bathroom. When he returned, Cas was up and dressed. Dean wasn’t sure if he should mention that Cas’ tie was backwards or not. 

“Uh, Cas?” Dean started. He didn’t get to finish his sentence because Cas was glancing at the clock on the wall and rushing them out the door.

“What were you saying Dean?” Cas asked once they were in the dining hall with their cereal. 

“Oh, nothing,” Dean said around a mouthful of Cheerios. “So what’s your first class?” 

“Calculus." Cas answered simply. He didn’t ask Dean what his first class was, so Dean volunteered the information.

“I have intro to business, in case you were wondering.” 

“I wasn’t,” Cas answered, glancing at his watch again. 

Dean was a little surprised by Cas’ abruptness, but he found he was getting used to it. Cas was the type to tell you exactly as he saw it, no sugar-coating involved. Dean liked that in people. Cas was just, to put it politely, different. Dean had never met anyone like him before.

“Well, if you’re done I guess we’d better get going. Don't want to be late on the first day,” Dean said, tossing his paper napkin into his leftover milk. He stood and walked over to the dish return. He could hear Cas shuffling behind him as he headed out onto the sidewalk. Cas stayed very close to Dean’s side until Dean had to branch off to go to intro to business. 

“I’ll see you at lunch, kay?” Dean said, pausing before he walked away from Cas. Cas nodded, looking pale and scared to death. Dean gave him a small smile and walked away.

 

Dean thought his first class went well. His professor handed out a syllabus and explained what text books he needed to buy and where to do the homework online. Dean took careful notes and decided to start a list of things he needed. He kept adding things to it when he went to his other classes. 

Glancing at his schedule, Dean saw he had almost an hour before his next class. He was hungry and hoped he could find Cas for lunch. Dean sent him a quick text asking where he was as he walked into the dining hall. Lunch was 10 times more hectic than breakfast had been. Dean quickly grabbed whatever he could find to eat and sat down at a half taken table. All he grabbed was a slice of pizza and some cucumber slices, but he wasn’t feeling so hungry anymore. Everyone in the dining hall was sitting with at least one friend. He didn’t want to look like a loser for sitting by himself, so he ate his pizza as fast as he could and went back to his room. Not to mention the fact that whoever was in charge of the radio was playing pop top 40, and Dean was not about to sit there and eat in such shitty conditions. 

Back in his room he plopped down on his bed and kicked off his boots. He had one class left for the day but he was already ready to go to sleep. He wasn’t sure how he was going to survive college once studying became part of his routine. He wouldn’t have any time for sleep. Or work. He hadn’t thought about finding a job, but he needed one for some spending money. 

Dean sat up and pulled open his laptop. He heard his advisor talking about some website where he could look for jobs on campus during the stupid freshman seminar he was forced to take. He flipped through his binder until he found the handout that had the information on it and started typing in the web address. 

There were quite a few openings out there and he found a few that he thought could be fun. He needed to write up a resume and a cover letter in order to apply to any of them, so he added them to his to-do list and shut his computer. It was time for him to go to his next class.

 

He finally got a text back from Cas while he was waiting for class to start. He felt overwhelmed with the amount of seats in the auditorium he was in. It could fit 500 students easily. He swallowed around the rock in his stomach and read Cas’ text. Apparently Cas had been in class till after lunch time, so he was back in the room until dinner. 

There are some snacks in my bottom drawer if you need something to eat. Dean texted. He didn’t bring much for snack food, but the peanut butter crackers that were there wold do in a pinch. We can run to Walmart later if you want. I need some school stuff and we can get more snacks. Dean texted again, thinking a Walmart trip wasn't a bad idea. He was already feeling stressed so getting his mind off school for half an hour or 45 minutes would help him relax. 

That is a good idea. I will be waiting here for you to get done with class. Cas answered. Dean sent back a thumbs up emoticon and stuffed his phone into his pants pocket. 

 

After his lecture Dean hustled back to his room to find Cas. Like he promised, Cas was sitting at his desk with a textbook open in front of him.

“Studying already?” Dean asked, dropping his bag on the floor next to his bed.

“No. I’m marking the readings I need to do and when I need to do them by,” Cas responded, holding up a pad of sticky notes. 

“Huh. Good idea.” Dean started digging through his desk for his car keys. “Wanna hit the road?” 

Cas nodded and placed a pen in the textbook he was bookmarking. They wandered out to the parking lot, which was about as far away as a parking lot could be, and found Dean’s Impala in the mess of cars. 

“Here she is!” Dean exclaimed, walking around all four sides of his car, checking for door dings. “Isn’t she a beauty?” 

“The car is very nice,” Cas answered, waiting for Dean to unlock the door so he could get in. 

Dean scoffed and unlocked the doors. He started Baby up and turned on the radio. He had let Sam pick the station on their way home yesterday, so Dean quickly turned the cassette player on and let ACDC fill the cab. 

The ride to Walmart was silent other than the music in the background. Dean felt a little uncomfortable and tried to think of something to say.

“So Cas, where are you from?” Dean asked as he turned the music down. 

“Upstate New York,” Cas responded, still watching the world go by outside his window. 

“Far from home then, huh?” Dean asked. Cas only nodded. “Well, I live 45 minutes from here just outside of Lawrence,” Dean said. “What made you come all the way to Kansas?”

“I wanted a change in scenery,” Cas said. 

“I thought about going far away too, but it wasn’t practical because of financial aid and because of Sam. He needs me close,” Dean told Cas. Dean wasn’t much for opening up to people, but part of him hoped Cas would ask him why Sam needed him close by and why Dean was ready to drop everything and run home at a moment’s notice. High school was different. He didn’t want anyone to ask questions in high school because everyone knew him, knew Sam, knew what happened to his mom and how his dad had handled everything. Or, how he hadn’t handled everything, depending on how you looked at it. College was different. Dean knew Cas and that was it. There wasn’t another soul there who would even notice if he came home at night. Part of Dean loved that, but it terrified another part of him. 

Of course Cas didn’t ask Dean why he needed to stick around. Cas didn’t seem to care much about Dean’s life, or anyone’s life but his own for that matter. Dean hoped he was just shy and that he wasn’t really an arrogant ass. 

Dean pulled into a parking spot at Walmart and got out of the car. “Make sure you lock your door,” Dean said to Cas, watching to be sure he followed Dean’s instructions. They went into the store and grabbed a cart. 

“What do you need?” Dean asked.

“I would like to get a few things to eat and I need some pens. I left the ones I bought at home,” Cas answered. Dean thought that was the longest sentence Cas had said yet. 

“That’s pretty much what I need, too. I have a list,” Dean said, pulling a note card out of his back pocket. They wandered around, checking off the items as they threw them into the cart and were finished in 20 minutes. 

“That everything?” Dean asked as they rounded the corner to head to the register. Cas nodded and picked up his items to separate them from Dean’s. 

-Castiel-

Back in the car Cas wondered if he should offer up some information about himself. Dean seemed to be sharing a lot and Cas knew he wasn’t telling Dean much. It seemed that whenever he let someone into his life they always left at a bad time. He didn’t want to set himself up for Dean to leave. He felt a little bad about not sharing anything. He didn’t want Dean to think Cas didn’t want to be his friend, because he desperately needed a friend, and so far, Dean was the only person who had spoken to him. He hadn’t had a true best friend in years, not since, well, since middle school. He hadn’t told many people about what happened and he wasn’t about to dump it on Dean, but he thought that maybe he could eventually. Taking a deep breath, Cas decided he should just start talking about himself and let Dean ask questions if he wanted.

“I left New York to get away from my family,” Cas blurted once Dean had driven them back to the highway. Dean reached out and turned the radio down but didn’t say anything. “I went to Arcadia High School, my graduating class was 300 kids, I’m the youngest child, my favorite pet was a dog we had that died a month before I came here, and I never plan on going home again if I can help it.” 

Cas was silent for a minute, thinking maybe he’d overshared. 

“I went to Lawrence High School, my graduating class was almost 400 kids, I’m the oldest but there’s just me and Sam. My favorite pet was a stray cat that sometimes came to our back door if Sam and I left food out for it. We named it Peanut, but I have no idea what it’s real name was. We never had a pet of our own. I’ll go home if Sam needs me, but I’d like to stay away as much as possible,” Dean stated, trying to hide a smile because Cas had initiated conversation and it felt like they were making progress with the whole friendship thing. 

“My birthday is July 10th,” Cas said, trying to think of more to share that wouldn’t scare Dean away.

“Mine is January 24th. Are you 18 or 19?”

“I just turned 19. Early, I know, but that’s how it is,” Cas said. He was sick of everyone in high school asking why he was so much older than everyone. 

“I wasn’t gonna ask,” Dean said, sensing some sting to Cas’ explanation. 

“You weren’t?” Cas asked, surprised. “Everyone from home always asks.”

“Nah. It’s cool but it is what it is and I didn’t wanna make you feel weird about it,” Dean said glancing in Cas’ direction. 

“Well thank you,” Cas said. Dean nodded and got off the highway. “My siblings names are Lucifer, Michael and Gabriel,” Cas said after a moment of silence. 

“I’m guessing your parents were a little religious?” Dean asked.

“I would assume so. They dropped us off at my grandparents before I could remember them so I can’t say for sure, but yes, I would assume they were,” Cas explained. 

Dean sat quietly, not sure what to say. “Sorry man, I had no idea.”

“Of course you didn’t. It’s fine, really. I don’t remember them but from what my older brothers have told me, they weren’t particularly worth knowing.”

“I understand that.” Dean chuckled to himself. Cas was watching him expectantly, waiting for an explanation. “Sometimes I feel like my dad isn’t worth knowing, but he’s still around.”

Cas connected the dots in his head. “So he’s the reason you need to stay close to home, because Sam is left there with him?” 

“Yeah,” Dean said, not really wanting to explain more just yet. They were already diving in pretty deep considering they’d only met 24 hours ago. 

Cas understood that Dean didn’t want to talk about his father anymore so he changed the subject. “Does your hometown look like this?” 

“There aren’t as many buildings, but yeah. It’s flat everywhere you go here.”

“New York is much different, but I think I enjoy it more here than at home,” Cas explained. 

“Yeah? That’s good considering you never want to go back home.” Dean smiled. Cas actually chuckled. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.” A moment passed before he said, “How much longer until we get back to school? The ride to Walmart seemed much shorter than the ride home.” 

“About five more minutes. The way back is more complicated because of this new traffic pattern. We had to go all the way around town to get back on the highway instead of getting on right next to Walmart where we got off,” Dean explained, turning onto a road that Cas recognized from his ride in on the bus. 

“Ah, I remember passing this,” Cas said as a statue passed by his window. 

“Did you drive here?” Dean asked, not remembering if Cas had mentioned having a car on campus. 

“No, I rode a bus,” Cas stated.

“All the way from New York?” Dean said, shocked. “That’s like, 36 hours on a bus, man!”

“It was faster than walking,” Cas said. 

Dean just shook his head. He couldn’t imagine being so committed to going to school that he’d take a bus for more than 24 hours with all of his belongings. Dean flicked on his blinker and turned into the parking lot he was supposed to park in. He found a spot far away from all the other cars to avoid door dings as much as possible. 

“A whole day on a bus. I’m just still boggled by that,” Dean said as they walked up the hill to their dorm. 

“I didn’t have any other choice,” Cas stated. “I would’ve liked my brothers to drive me down but they didn’t have that much time off work.” 

“No I’m not judging, I’m just surprised that it took that long,” Dean said, sliding his key card through the door to unlock it.

“Well, there are 7 states between my home and school,” Cas said, struggling to carry his bags up the stairs. Dean reached out and grabbed the one that looked like it was about to break and carried it the rest of the way to their room. “Thank you,” Cas said once they had set everything on the floor of their room.

“No problem,” Dean answered. He started pulling his things out of the bags and laying them on his bed to organize and put away. “You wanna put all the food in one place so we can share it?” Dean asked, eyeing an empty shelf. 

“I think that is a good idea,” Cas answered, looking at the same shelf. They piled their compilation of snacks on the shelf and put the rest of their stuff away. Cas felt like he had made process with his and Dean’s friendship. Things felt more comfortable now that they had opened up to one another a little bit.


	3. Chapter 3

-Dean-

The next few weeks passed quickly and Dean hardly had time to do anything other than study and sleep. Dean had grown used to Cas’ remarks and the strange way he reacted to things and it had become almost normal. 

One day while Dean was walking to the coffee shop after class he got a text from Cas. 

Dean, where are you?  
I need help

Dean stopped where he was on the sidewalk and dialed Cas’ number. Cas picked up on the second ring.

“Hello Dean,” Cas said, sounding panicked.

“Cas, what’s wrong?” Dean asked, ready to sprint in whatever direction Cas was in. Dean sort of felt like he needed to protect Cas, like he didn’t have any way to protect himself. 

“I don’t know where to print things and I think I’m lost in the library,” Cas said quietly. 

Dean smiled and bit back a laugh. “Okay, hang tight. I’ll be right there and then we can figure out where you’re at.”

“Hurry Dean, I have class soon and I still need to print my lab work,” Cas whispered harshly. 

“I’m coming. I can see the library now,” Dean said as he quickened his pace towards the looming building at the end of a grassy area everyone on campus called the mall. 

“I went down the main staircase because that’s where the sign pointed me to,” Cas said. 

Dean walked through the front doors and noticed that the sign pointing to the printers didn’t point down the stairs, but to the side of them towards a room at the back of the library. Dean walked down the stairs and looked around him.

“Okay, then what did you do?” Dean asked. 

“I went left I think,” Cas said. 

Dean looked to his left. The lights were dimmer than on his right and it gave him a spooky feeling. “Of course you did.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“The left is super fucking creepy. At least the right side has lights that work,” Dean said as he walked a little farther. “Then where did you go?” 

“See, that’s what I can’t remember. I just wandered looking for the printers and got myself all turned around.” 

“Well, keep talking and let me see if I can hear you.” Dean pulled the phone away from his face and listened for Cas’ voice. He heard it from his right, so he went down that hallway. Cas was facing away from him and Dean couldn’t resist jumping him. He snuck up, tiptoeing close enough to Cas’ back to tap him and yell boo.

Cas screamed and jumped around. “Dean, what are you doing?” Cas whispered fiercely. 

“Just figured I’d let you know I found you,” Dean laughed, leading the way up to the printing room. Cas kept mumbling under his breath the whole way and every time Dean looked back at him he looked like the grumpy cat. 

“Here are the printers. Do you still need my help?” Dean asked. 

“No thank you Dean. You may go.” Cas dismissed him. 

“Yes your majesty.” Dean bowed slightly. Cas scowled at him and Dean walked away, back to the coffee shop. His original trip had been to ask for an application, but he’d gotten sidetracked. 

The woman at the counter got him a paper to fill out and turn in and then she said they would call him if they wanted to give him an interview. 

Dean filled out the paper and got a coffee before heading back to his dorm. He dumped his backpack on his bed and set the coffee on his desk. He looked around and stretched. Noticing a lot of writing on his calendar, he went up to it and looked at what he had written down. He felt light headed as he read it. He had four exams in the span of three days. The next three days. He had done approximately zero studying for exams. He had been keeping up in the readings assigned and the homework, but he didn’t do much other than that. 

Dean ran a hand through his hair and held his breath. He felt panic settling in the bottom of his stomach and wondered how he hadn’t realized this was exam week. Four exams in three days was a lot of studying that he hadn’t even started yet. And, to make matters worse, he didn’t even know how to study. He hadn’t needed to study in high school, not even a little bit. Sam was always studying and had the grades to prove it, but Dean had survived just fine the way he did things. He had a feeling that work ethic wouldn’t fly here. 

Looking around, Dean grabbed all his notes and textbooks and stuffed them in his backpack. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he grabbed his laptop and his coffee and headed for the library. 

He found a quiet corner to sit in the stacks and unpacked his bag. He put his headphones on and started his 80’s rock playlist. His first exam was intro to business at 9am. After that was English 101 at 1pm. Dean took a deep breath and opened his textbook. He’d let himself get behind in the readings, so now he was four chapters behind in material. 

After two chapters Dean let himself check his phone. Cas had texted him.

Dean? Where are you?  
You don’t still have class, do you?  
Dean?  
I looked at your schedule and you finished for the day 2 hours ago  
Did you get kidnapped?  
Dean?  
Hello? I’m getting worried.

Dean laughed to himself at the way Cas automatically assumed the worst and texted him back.

Cas I’m fine. I’m in the library. Care to join me?

Cas responded within 30 seconds.

I’m glad you weren’t kidnapped. Yes, I’ll meet you out front in a few minutes.

Dean closed his laptop and went downstairs to the lobby to wait for Cas. While he was there he decided to get another coffee and a snack in the cafe off the lobby and sneak them upstairs. Food was only allowed on the first floor, but he didn’t have any library books open, so he figured he’d be okay. 

“Hello Dean,” Cas said, walking up behind Dean.

Dean spun around. “Hey. Ready to study?”

“I suppose.”

Dean led the way back to the table he’d taken over and sat down. “How many exams do you have this week?”

Cas sat down across from Dean and opened his backpack. “Four. How many do you have?”

“The same. Two tomorrow, one Wednesday, and one Friday.” Dean opened his laptop back up and put his headphones back on. 

They stayed in the library for the rest of the night, leaving around 11pm. 

“Do you think you’re ready for tomorrow?” Cas asked as they walked back to their dorm in the dark.

“I hope so. I guess we’ll see, won’t we,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. He was exhausted, hungry and stiff from sitting for so long. “Do you think you’re ready?”

“I believe so. I’ve kept up on my readings so I think it’ll be okay. Most of the things people are having trouble with I learned in high school,” Cas said as they turned to go into the dorm. 

“You’re lucky. I didn’t take much from high school.” Dean unlocked the door and they went up to the third floor. 

“I’m wiped out,” Dean said as he flopped down on his bed. He plugged his phone in and made sure his alarm was set before stripping down to his boxers and a tee shirt. He crawled under his blankets and fell asleep with the lights on.

 

Dean’s first day of exams went by slowly. He felt like he would make a decent grade on the exams but he couldn’t shake the nervous feeling in his chest. He went to his room to grab his textbooks and his notes before going back to the stacks in the library. He texted Cas this time, letting him know that’s where he was, and got to work. 

Cas joined him later in the afternoon when he was done with classes for the day. They worked for a few hours before they couldn’t ignore their rumbling stomachs any longer. They went to the closest dining hall, one they hadn’t eaten at yet, and found that there were more options here than at the one they normally ate at. 

“I think this is worth the extra walk,” Dean said as they sat at an empty table. 

“I agree.” Cas pulled a few napkins out of the holder between them and handed one to Dean.

“Thanks,” Dean said as he took his first bite of dinner. It was still cafeteria food, but it was tastier than the other hall. “Mm, try the mac and cheese!” 

Cas took a bite and moaned at the taste. Dean found himself watching Cas’ lips and swallowed hard. He snapped himself out of the strange trance he was in by laughing and saying, “Good right?” 

“Delightful.”

Dean kept his eyes on his plate for the rest of dinner and was a little relieved when Cas said he was going back to the dorm to shower instead of going back to the stacks. Whatever had happened at dinner left Dean feeling uneasy and shaken up. He didn’t like guys, did he? He’d always been into girls but whatever had just happened to make him feel like he was going to pop a boner about Cas was unsettling. 

He went back to the library and found a good place to sit. Unable to concentrate, not much studying ended up happening. He ended up texting Sam to try and settle the uneasiness in his chest. 

Hey Sammy. How are things going?

Sam answered almost immediately. Could be better.

What’s going on? Dean felt worry settling into him.

Dad’s just being dad. It’ll be fine. Just need to cool down.

You can call me if you think it’ll help.

Okay. I will as soon as I get done with dinner.

Dean packed up his books and went down to the front steps of the library. He found a step out of the way of the main doors and sat down, waiting for his phone to ring. 

He answered as soon as Sam called.

“Hey Sam.”

“Hi Dean.” Sam sounded upset, but not frustrated. That’s good, Dean thought. Upset was okay. Frustrated Sam would just cause trouble he didn’t need.

“What did he do this time?” Dean asked, picking at a rough spot on his jeans.

“He’s mad because I don’t have money for dinner and it wasn’t ready to eat when he got home from the bar,” Sam explained. 

“Is there any place else you can eat?” Dean knew there wasn’t anything else to be done without raising suspicion, so as long as Sam could deal with it, he should just stay home.

“I don’t need to go someplace else, I just wish he wouldn’t get so mad at me.”

“Sammy, you know he’s not mad at you. He’s just mad at the universe and you happen to be standing closest to him,” Dean said, feeling a rock sink into his stomach about the fact that he couldn’t do anything to help Sam feel better.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Wanna hear something weird that might cheer you up?” Dean asked, racking his brain for anything that might make Sam smile.

“Yeah, go for it.”

“So tonight Cas and I were in the library and we were starving so we decided to go get dinner at this dining hall we hadn’t tried yet and they were serving mac and cheese. Naturally that’s what we got, and it was so good! Cas actually moaned like he was in a porno and you know what?”

“What?” Sam still sounded glum.

“It-it did something to me. I don’t know why.” Dean wasn’t sure why he was sharing this with his little brother, but he felt like he needed to tell someone.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I felt the sudden urge to pop a boner at the way he moaned and the way his lips moved when he chewed.”

“Maybe you like him,” Sam said, like it was totally normal.

“Sam, you know I’ve always been into girls.” Dean vaguely felt like he might vomit.

“Well, you could swing both ways. It’s really common and not very surprising.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” Dean sputtered, shocked that Sam might have noticed something like that without Dean even noticing it about himself.

“You didn’t see the sparks that flew as soon as you two looked at each other for the first time? They were practically fireworks, and he’s all you talk about.”

“He’s my best friend Sam, of course I’m gonna talk about him a lot.”

“Have you even thought about finding a girl to date?”

“Well,” Dean was caught off guard because, truth be told, he hadn’t even been noticing the girls around him. “No, I haven’t.”

“So it’s not all that far fetched,” Sam said. Dean could feel the smugness floating off Sam through the phone.

“I still don’t know.” Dean felt shaken up by how sure Sam seemed. “Would it be weird?”

“Would what be weird?”

“Me being gay. Would it creep you out? Not saying I am, but if I was,” Dean started, feeling the need to explain himself a thousand times over to convince himself he wasn’t gay.

“No Dean, it wouldn’t be weird and it wouldn’t creep me out. You’d still be Dean. It doesn’t change who you are.” 

“Yeah. Okay.” Dean nodded, like he needed convincing.

“It’s getting late and I should go shower,” Sam said. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah. Just gotta make it though a few more months.”

“You can do anything you put your mind to kid. You’re the smartest person I know, even now that I’m in college.”

“Thanks Dean.”

“Sleep well Sammy,” Dean said, half wishing he was home with Sam.

“Night Dean.” 

Dean hung up and looked around. Was he gay? Maybe Sam was right, maybe he was. But maybe he wasn’t. He didn’t know anymore. He knew that he sincerely enjoyed every minute he spent with Cas, but maybe that was just because they were each other’s safety blankets in the college world. Maybe he needed to find a girl and get himself back to normal. Yeah, he thought, standing up. Find a girl and see if it feels like it used to. 

-Cas-

After Cas showered he changed into his pajamas and crawled into bed. He opened his laptop and searched up physics tutoring videos to try and get ahead in the course. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open despite the fact that it was only 8pm. 

Cas’ phone buzzed and woke him up. His laptop had gone to sleep which meant the 10 minute video he’d been watching had been over for more than 20 minutes. He looked at his phone, hoping it was Dean. It wasn’t. Was he still studying? Cas decided he should text him to find out where he was.

When are you coming back? It’s getting late. 

Cas put his laptop away while he waited for a response from Dean. Usually, unless he was in class, he answered within a few minutes. After 10 minutes had gone by Cas texted again.

Dean? Are you okay?

Cas sighed, relieved when Dean texted him back.

I’m fine Cas. Be home later.

Cas frowned and turned off the light before crawling back into bed. His head was starting to ache and he didn’t want to ponder where Dean was. Part of Cas didn’t care where Dean was or why he was staying out late when he had an 8am exam the following day, but part of him was ridiculously jealous that he wasn’t invited wherever Dean had gone. Since they moved in they’d done almost everything together. Did Dean have some friends Cas didn’t know about? 

Cas had noticed at dinner how Dean had been acting normal until all of a sudden he wouldn’t even look Cas in the face. Cas didn’t remember doing anything that might have made Dean angry with him. He racked his brain for some sort of explanation until he fell asleep. 

 

When Cas woke up the next morning his alarm was blaring in his ear. He sat up, turned the alarm off and rubbed his eyes. His headache was still there from last night and his throat felt raw. Looking around, Cas noticed that it looked like Dean hadn’t come home at all the night before. 

Cas checked his phone to see if Dean had texted him but there weren’t any messages. Getting out of bed, Cas put his phone in the pocket of his pajama pants, slipped on his flip flops, grabbed his tooth brush, and went down the hall to the bathroom. 

When he got back he got dressed and went to eat some breakfast before class. He tried to ignore the pounding in his head and the worry he felt in his stomach because Dean didn’t come home while he ate some Cheerios. He brought a travel mug with him from his room and filled it with tea before he left to go to class. 

He had four classes that day, but his last class of the day was the class he had an exam in and he felt prepared for it. He wondered how Dean’s exams had been. They didn’t talk about it yesterday while they were at dinner because Dean had shut him out. Cas was still confused about what had happened. He couldn’t for the life of him remember what he had said that might have made Dean mad at him. 

The weather was starting to cool off and there were a few leaves that had decided to change color. Cas walked to class quickly and wished the day would hurry up and get over with. He wanted to go back to his room and go to bed. The tea had helped his throat but he wished he’d taken some Tylenol before he left the room for the day. 

Throughout the day Cas checked his phone, waiting to hear from Dean. It wasn’t until after his exam that there was finally a text.

Dinner when you’re done with class?

Cas texted back, On my way, and went to drop his backpack in his room before they went to eat. When he unlocked the door, he saw Dean sitting at his desk reading his notes. 

“Hey,” Cas said, dropping his bag on his bed. His voice sounded scratchy. 

“Hey.” Dean turned around and looked Cas over. “You okay?” 

“It’s been a long day, but yes I’m okay,” Cas said. He sat down on his bed and rubbed his forehead. He felt like he should give Dean the cold shoulder, and honestly, he didn’t feel much like talking. 

“Dinner?” Dean asked, slipping his feet into his boots. 

Cas nodded and stood up. His vision went black for a second and Dean must have noticed. 

“You sure you’re okay? You just got super pale.”

“Yes Dean, I’m fine.” Cas went to stand by the door. “Let’s go eat.” 

Cas led the way down the stairs and out to the dining hall. He didn’t say much during dinner and ate quickly so he could go back to the room and go to sleep. He had one more exam the next day, calculus, but he wasn’t sure how to study for it. He had taken the course in high school so he figured he would do alright on the exam. 

Cas noticed that Dean was eating quickly too, and they were out of there in record time. They walked back to the dorm in silence and no one said anything until Cas crawled into bed. 

 

When Cas woke up the next morning he felt like he had a fever. He took a some Tylenol before heading to class, crossing his fingers he could clear the fuzz from his brain in time to take his calc exam. He didn’t feel very confident when he sat down and was handed the exam. He felt ready to cry when he handed it back. 

There was over an hour until Cas’ next class so he headed back to the dorm to curl in a ball and cry over the fact that he probably just failed his first college exam. He was sure the fever wasn’t helping. He’d always gotten weepy when he had a fever. 

Walking up three flights of stairs made him incredibly light headed and he was a little surprised when he unlocked his door that he’d made it without passing out. He was shaking all over and could feel tears stinging the corners of his eyes. 

Cas pushed into the room and wiped at his nose with his sleeve as he put his bag on the floor. 

Dean sat up from where he was lying, propped up on pillows in bed. “Cas? What’s wrong?” He pushed aside the textbook he had been reading and stood up. 

Cas couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and felt them spill onto his cheeks. “I probably failed that calc exam,” he cried, curling up into a ball on top of his blankets. 

Dean went over to Cas’ side and sat on the edge of his bed. He noticed that Cas looked sick. “I’d fail a calc exam too,” Dean said unsure of what would make Cas feel better. He hadn’t needed to comfort Cas yet and he wasn’t very good at the whole comforting other people thing. 

“I shouldn’t fail, I took it in high school,” Cas said wiping his eyes with the back of his hands. 

“Hey, it’ll be okay. I bet you made a C,” Dean shushed, trying to calm Cas down. If Dean didn’t know any better he’d guess Cas was running a nice fever. He got up and grabbed Cas the box of tissues. “You look sick,” Dean said sitting back down. He held his breath as he raised a hand to feel Cas’ forehead. “You’re running a fever.”

“I took some Tylenol when I got up this morning. I don’t think it did much,” Cas said before blowing his nose. 

Dean got up again and went over to his closet. He pulled out his med kit and found the thermometer. “Here,” Dean said handing the device to Cas. Cas stuck it in his mouth as Dean pulled off Cas’ sneakers. “Get under the covers, it’ll warm you up.”

Cas scooted around on the bed to climb under his blankets, curling up again once he was situated. 

Dean pulled the thermometer out of Cas’ mouth when it beeped and, sure enough, he was running a fever. “When did you take the Tylenol?” Dean asked getting up to find his Tylenol bottle. 

“8:30,” Cas answered. 

“It’s too soon for you to have more. Do you have more classes today?”

Cas nodded. “Freshman seminar at noon.”

“You should email your advisor and tell them you’re sick and can’t go.”

“I shouldn’t skip,” Cas said pulling the blankets tighter around his shoulders. Honestly he would be content staying in bed for the rest of the week.

“Cas, you’re burning up and probably feel like shit. Just take it easy.” Dean put the Tylenol on Cas’ desk and put his thermometer away. Cas watched as Dean went back over to his own bed and pulled the textbook back onto his lap. 

After a few minutes Cas asked, “Did I do something to make you angry with me?”

Dean looked up, surprised. “What makes you say that?”

Cas sighed. “You acted like I said something horribly wrong at dinner the other day and then you didn’t come home all night. And then last night you seemed angry but I can’t figure out what I said that made you so mad.” 

“Dude, you didn’t do anything. I’m just… confused about some stuff. I spent the night out trying to figure it out,” Dean said, feeling his cheeks blush. 

“What are you confused about?” Cas asked as he shifted so he could see Dean better. 

“It’s nothing, just something Sam said when I called him the other day.”

“So you’re not mad?”

“No Cas, I’m not mad. I’m sorry you thought that. It’s not what I intended to do.” Dean rubbed his hands over his face and gave Cas a small smile. “Get some rest man. You look like shit.”

Cas rolled his eyes and snuggled down farther under his blankets. 

 

When Cas woke up again Dean was gone but there was a sticky note on the Tylenol bottle for him. 

Went to Walmart for some tea and stuff. Be back soon.

Cas pulled out his phone and rolled over. He scrolled through his social media, feeling a little better than he had when he’d fallen asleep. It was time for him to take more Tylenol, so he rolled back over and swallowed down the pills with some water Dean had left for him. Smiling to himself, Cas felt all warm on the inside about the fact that Dean cared enough about him to take care of him when he was sick. No one had really done that for him before, and it was a nice feeling, to be cared for. 

 

Cas was watching Netflix when Dean returned with a few bags. Cas paused his movie and sat up a little, propped up on one elbow. His nose was starting to fill with mucus and his throat was getting worse. 

“How’re you doing?” Dean asked setting the bags on his bed. He tossed his keys into his underwear drawer and went over to Cas’ bed. He felt Cas’ forehead again. “You aren’t as warm as you were before. Did you take more Tylenol?”

“Yes,” Cas said, lying back down with a shiver. 

“Good,” Dean said unloading the bags. “Do you want some tea?”

Cas nodded and watched Dean walk around the room putting the items he’d bought away and make some tea in the coffee maker Cas had brought with him from home. He felt his eyes drift shut but didn’t fall asleep. He listened to Dean whistle softly as he stirred some honey into Cas’ tea and opened his eyes when he heard Dean set the mug down on his desk. 

“Thank you Dean,” Cas said. “Do you have any more classes today?”

“Nope, I’m done,” Dean said kicking off his boots.

“Want to watch this movie with me? I just started it. It seems like something you would enjoy.” 

Dean walked over and peered down at Cas’ laptop screen. “You’ve never seen Captain America?” Dean asked, shocked that Cas hadn’t seen such a cinematic masterpiece. “Scoot over, we’re gonna marathon these movies for the rest of the day.” 

Cas propped his pillows up against the wall as Dean grabbed his own pillow and slid towards the edge of the bed to make room for Dean. They settled in and started the movie again so Dean could tell Cas all about the special effects that went into making the best movie of the 21st century.


	4. Chapter 4

-Dean-

Dean had used the drive to Walmart to clear his head a little. He didn’t realize he’d made Cas upset or he wouldn’t have stayed away for so long. He didn’t feel like it was right to talk to Cas about spending the night in some girls dorm room because he didn’t even want to remember doing it. 

There had been a party at one of the frat’s down the street so Dean parked Baby outside at the end of the driveway and waited for some girl to come along and need a ride home. Sure, it wasn’t his proudest moment, but he needed to prove to himself that he wasn’t into Cas. It hadn’t worked very well. He enjoyed himself but he’d gone through most of the motions with his eyes shut because looking down and seeing a girl under him seemed wrong. It was an extremely unsettling feeling, all of a sudden not liking what you thought you liked all your life.

He stormed though Walmart angry at himself for being unable to shake this feeling about Cas from his heart. Cas had turned out to be the best friend Dean had ever had besides Sam, who didn’t really count anyway. 

Dean grabbed some herbal tea, some honey and a new bottle of Tylenol before heading to the register. After he paid he called Sam as he walked to the car. 

“Hello?” Sam asked. Dean wondered if Sam was still in school.

“Hey Sam. Got a minute?”

“Oh, Dean, yeah hold on.” Sam sounded as if he was a walking up a stairwell.

“It’s cool if you can’t. I forgot you were still in school,” Dean said as he unlocked the door of Baby. He got in out of the chilly wind and flipped the collar of his father’s leather jacket up around his neck. 

“No, it’s fine. I was in study hall so I’m just going outside so we can talk.”

Dean waited for Sam to get outside the school so they could have their conversation.

“What’s up?” Sam asked. 

“I did something stupid,” Dean said, leaning forward until his forehead was resting on the steering wheel. 

“Okay, how stupid was it?” 

“Well it wasn’t ridiculously stupid but I feel dumb for having done it.”

Sam was silent, waiting for Dean to continue. 

“You know how we had that conversation the other day about me maybe being gay? Well, that night I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t so I went to a frat party and picked up a chick. We went back to her dorm and did the dirty but it didn’t feel like it used to.” 

“Which means…?”

“I mean I still enjoyed it but I had to do it with my eyes shut because it felt weird to be looking at a girl. I don’t know. Anyway, I didn’t go back to the dorm and Cas thought I was mad at him. Now he’s sick and scared that he failed his calc exam and I’m at Walmart getting him tea and honey.” Dean bit his bottom lip, still confused about what was happening inside himself. 

“Do you think Cas likes you back?” Sam asked. 

Dean paused for a moment. “I have no idea. I mean, yes, as a friend, but I don’t know. He’s never talked about having a girlfriend in high school but he doesn’t bring home up very much.”

“Maybe you should ask him. Just to see what he likes, you know? That way if it turns out he isn’t into dudes you won’t have confessed your love to him or anything.”

“I’m just so confused Sammy. I’ve never been so unsure about myself.” 

“You’re still you Dean. Do what feels right to you and the rest will work itself out,” Sam said. He sounded wise beyond his years. “I’ve gotta get back to class. You gonna be okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. How are things with Dad?”

“I’m staying out of his way.”

“Good,” Dean sighed, sitting up and starting the Impala. 

“Call me later if you want,” Sam said. 

“Okay. Bye Sammy.”

“Bye Dean.” 

Dean sat in the parking lot for another minute collecting his thoughts before he drove towards the highway. Sam was right. Dean was still Dean. His favorite foods hadn’t changed, he still wore his same old clothes and loved his car almost more than anything on the planet. 

He’d find out if Cas was into girls or not and go from there. If he was straight Dean figured he could screw his way back to normal and move on a little. He wasn’t sure why he was so hooked on Cas. They really hadn’t even known each other that long, but part of Dean felt like he’d always known Cas. He’d never felt so connected to someone else before. Even with Sam, they had arguments and sometimes Sam made him so mad he couldn’t even talk. Cas hadn’t even annoyed Dean yet and they’d lived together for almost a month. 

The road back to campus from Walmart was becoming familiar and Dean didn’t mind the time it took to get there. He liked to drive, probably because he’d spent most of his life in the car as a kid. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly through his nose. Maybe some music would help. Loud music. Dean rolled the windows down and cranked the radio, letting the music push everything else out of his head. 

He felt better when he got back to school and made the walk from the parking lot to the dorm. Cas was watching a movie when Dean let himself into the room. He looked really sick, something Dean wasn’t used to. Sam used to get sick all the time because he had shitty tonsils, but he never really looked bad. Dean knew Sam really well so he knew what signs to look for, but Cas looked like he might actually have cancer or something. 

Dean made him some tea and they settled in to watch a movie. Dean refrained from getting under the blankets with Cas because he felt like that would be too much. Dean was building up his courage to ask Cas about his high school girlfriends. When he’d convinced himself to do it, Cas was asleep. Dean smiled at him and stopped the movie, putting Cas’ laptop on his desk. Dean took his own pillow back over to his bed and continued reading his textbook. 

Cas woke up an hour later, coughing his lungs out. Dean glanced over to make sure he had water if he needed it before saying anything.

“Hey man. How’re doing?”

“I’ve been better,” Cas croaked. Dean felt bad for him. He looked like death warmed over.

“Need anything?” Dean asked closing the textbook. He had just finished the chapter and wanted to do anything else other than read about economics. 

“I am a little hungry. Is the dining hall open for dinner yet?” Cas glanced at his phone screen.

“It sure is,” Dean said stretching. He still felt uncomfortable inside, but he tried to push the feeling away and act like he hadn’t had any kind of emotional revelation at dinner the other night. 

“Want to go eat?”

“Yeah, I’m getting hungry too,” Dean lied. He hadn’t been hungry since the night of the mac and cheese. 

They went to the cafeteria and found a table in the corner away from all the loud kids that ate as a group. 

“So what’s been going on with you?” Cas asked once they had their food. 

“What do you mean?” Dean asked. He swallowed nervously.

“What’s got you so worked up?” 

“Oh, I um,” Dean paused, trying to think of something to say. “I ran into my ex and it just shook me up a little.”

“Does she go to school here?”

“Yeah, unfortunately. I don’t see her much but it just surprised me,” Dean said.

“I can imagine that would be uncomfortable.”

Dean waited a moment before asking, “Did you have a girlfriend in high school?”

“I did not,” Cas answered. 

“Boyfriend?” Dean asked. He held his breath, afraid that he might be crossing some line. 

“No. There wasn’t really anyone in high school I felt that close with,” Cas said. He didn’t seem bothered by the conversation.

“That kinda sucks,” Dean said, wondering why Cas didn’t have any friends he felt close too. Dean had moved a lot, but even so, he always found a few people that seemed to understand him a little more than everyone else.

“I suppose,” Cas said, watching everyone around them. “It wasn’t always a bad thing. I spent most of my free time with my grandparents.”

Dean watched Cas watch the people sitting to the left of them and noticed his cheeks were flushed. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the fever or because Cas had just admitted his only friends were his grandparents. 

“Are you finished? I’m not feeling so well all of a sudden,” Cas said. Dean noticed his shaking hands and the shivers racking his body.

“Yeah, let’s go. You don’t look so good.” 

Dean followed Cas back to their room so he could catch him if he passed out walking up the stairs. 

“Drink some water and take it easy,” Dean said handing Cas a water bottle once he had tucked himself back into bed. 

“Thank you Dean,” Cas said, taking a sip of the water. 

“Let me know if you need anything.”

Cas nodded, closing his eyes.

Dean turned to face his desk. He ran a hand through his hair and sat down on his bed with a sigh. He pulled out his phone to text Sam, telling him what Cas had said about not having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. 

Deciding to finish his homework for the week, Dean got to work and let Cas sleep.

 

When Dean woke up the next morning he felt like he’d been run over by a dump truck. He glanced at his clock and pulled himself out of bed despite feeling like he might pass out or vomit; he couldn’t tell which might happen first. Cas was still sleeping which was strange because he was usually in class by the time Dean woke up on Friday’s. 

Dean silently moved around the room, getting dressed and packing his bag. He went down the hall to the bathroom to brush his teeth and was surprised to see that he looked almost as bad as Cas had the day before. Splashing some cold water on his face, Dean rubbed his eyes and went back to his room to grab his bag for class. 

 

Class crawled by slower than a dying person and Dean thought he might have to get up and leave a few times. Thankfully the professor for Dean’s second and last class for the day had emailed all his students and cancelled class because of a surprise conference. Dean made his way back to the dorm, walking slowly to try and avoid making a scene if he passed out. 

When he let himself into his room Cas was still asleep. Dean thought maybe he should shake Cas awake to make sure he hadn’t died overnight but then thought better of it when the black spots at the edges of his vision started taking over his sight. He fumbled his boots off and curled into a ball on his bed.

 

“Dean?” Dean felt his shoulder being poked and peeled his eyes open. Cas was sitting on the edge of Dean’s bed looking down at him with concern clear in his expression. “Dean, are you okay?” Cas asked, feeling Dean’s forehead.

“Hey, yeah. I’m fine,” Dean said as he pushed himself into a sitting position. The room spun and before he realized what he was doing, Dean reached out to steady himself on Cas’ arm. 

“You’re sick,” Cas stated. He gently pushed Dean back to lie down and handed him a bottle of water. Dean didn’t resist, just laid back and let Cas do whatever he was going to do. He didn’t have the energy to fight with him about anything. 

“I think you have a fever. Did you take your temperature before class this morning?” Cas asked, looking around for the thermometer Dean had used on him the previous day. 

“No, I didn’t,” Dean said, crawling under his blankets. “I’m okay, just need to sleep it off.” 

Cas threw him a stern look and continued looking for the thermometer. “That would not be wise.” 

“Cas, really, just let me sleep man,” Dean groaned as he turned to face the wall. His phone buzzed. Dean didn’t want to see who had texted him but when the phone kept buzzing he knew that Sam was probably calling him. He rolled back over and answered the phone.

“Sam?”

“Hey Dean. Are you sick or something?” Sam asked. 

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled the blankets up under his chin. “I feel a little under the weather but it’s no biggie.” 

“You sound like shit.”

“Did you need something?” Dean snapped. He didn’t need Sam to silently gang up with Cas to find the damn thermometer.

“Not really, just missed you.” Sam sounded upset now and Dean mentally kicked himself for being harsh.

“I miss you too Sam. Sorry I snapped at you.”

“Don’t be sorry, I know you get snappy when you’re sick. Is Cas there?”

“Yeah he is. He’s trying to find the thermometer.”

“Good, you probably have a fever. You always get super grouchy when you have a fever, remember?”

“Yes, Sam, I remember.” Dean rubbed his eyes and pulled the blankets a little closer. “What’s up?”

Sam sighed. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Well obviously it’s something. You’re upset.”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about. There’s nothing you can do anyway.”

“Tell me what’s going on,” Dean said, bringing out the tone he knew Sam would always respond to.

“Dad just got mad. It’s fine. Like I said, there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Did he hit you?” Dean asked, sitting up in bed. If Sam said yes Dean was driving home right now no matter how shitty he felt.

“I’m gonna go to Jess’ for dinner and maybe stay with Bobby,” Sam said, dodging the question. 

“Sam, answer the question.”

Sam sighed again and Dean almost missed the weak “Yes,” that came out after the sigh. 

“Hang in there. I’ll be home in 45 minutes,” Dean said as he pushed himself out of bed. Cas tried to push him back but Dean just glared at him until he backed away.

“No, Dean don’t. He’ll just get worse. Please, please don’t come here. I’m gonna go see Jess and then sleep at Bobby’s. I’ll be fine, I promise.”

Dean leaned against the wall trying to overcome the black spots in his vision.

“Dean, you can’t drive like this,” Cas whispered harshly. 

Dean nodded at Cas, knowing he was right. “Fine, but call me when you get to Bobby’s and let me talk to him.” Dean rubbed his face. “Sam?”

“Yeah Dean?”

“Where did he get you?”

“I think I’ll have a black eye but Jess is good at covering them with makeup. Don’t worry about the people at school. I’ll be okay.”

“How many times has she needed to cover your bruises?” Dean felt like he might throw up. He walked to the bathroom as he finished his conversation with Sam.

“Only a few. Look, you go back to sleep. You sound like shit. I’ll call when I get to Bobby’s and you and he can decide what to do from there, okay? There’s no reason for you to come home right now. He’s too mad.”

“Okay Sam. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you,” Dean said, leaning against the wall of a stall in the bathroom. 

“It’s not your fault, okay?” 

Dean didn’t say anything because of the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.

“Okay Dean?” Sam asked again. 

“Okay Sammy,” Dean whispered. 

“I’ll call you later, okay? Bye.”

Dean hung up and crouched in front of the toilet.

 

Cas was waiting for Dean when he got back from the bathroom.

“You look unwell,” Cas said softly. 

Dean shakily made his was over to his bed and crawled into it, thankful for the warmth of his blankets. 

“Here, I finally found it.” Cas handed Dean the thermometer and Dean put it in his mouth. He closed his eyes and waited for it to beep. “102,” Cas stated, taking the device from Dean’s lips.

“I just need to sleep,” Dean whispered, rolling onto his side. His stomach was still cramping and he wanted to cry.

“No, you need to get the fever down. Take this,” Cas said as he handed Dean a few pills. Dean took them because he wanted Cas to leave him alone. He rolled over to face the wall and closed his eyes, grateful when he fell asleep.

 

-Cas-

Cas was reading when Dean woke a few hours later. Cas made him drink more water and suggested taking a shower to warm up. 

“I’m okay Cas. Thanks though,” Dean said, sitting up slightly. Cas had never seen him look so disheartened. 

“What’s going on Dean?” Cas asked, sitting on the end of Dean’s bed.

Dean shook his head and Cas thought he might cry.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Cas said softly. “Just know I’ll always listen.”

Dean gave Cas a weak smile and sniffed. “My dad can be an ass sometimes, that’s all.”

Cas nodded but stayed quiet in case Dean wanted to add more.

“Usually, when he gets into one of his moods he only comes after me. And that’s okay, because I’m almost the same size as he is. Now that I’m not around he goes for Sam who’s skinny as a twig and only comes up to my shoulder. I just, I don’t know. I should be there to protect Sam, you know?” Dean’s voice was cracking and he rested an arm over his face to hide the tears that had started leaking from his eyes.

“It sounded as if Sam has figured out how to take care of the situation,” Cas said. He wasn’t sure how to comfort Dean.

“He does and there are people around him who will take care of him, I just feel so shitty for not being there.”

“Dean, you had to move out at some point. It’s not your job to take care of Sam,” Cas said, folding his legs up under him on Dean’s bed.

“It is though!” Dean yelled, sitting up all the way. “It’s always been my job! Ever since my mom died, the only good thing I’ve ever done is keep Sam safe. That’s all I knew how to do for a long time,” Dean said, wiping his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt. 

Cas wasn’t sure what to say so he just sat there watching Dean blow his nose and pretend he hadn’t just been crying. Cas was surprised that Dean’s mother had died. Dean hadn’t mentioned it before. Tentatively, Cas reached out and rested his hand on Dean’s foot. When Dean didn’t pull away, Cas started rubbing slow circles with his thumb like his grandmother had done for him. 

Dean laid back down and took deep, shaky breaths to calm down. Cas could feel him shivering through the blankets and wondered if he should take Dean to the doctor. 

“What do you need me to do Dean?” Cas asked, thinking maybe he should take Dean’s temperature again.

“What you’re doing is just right,” Dean whispered, looking down the bed at Cas. 

“Should I take you to see a doctor or something?”

“No. No, no, no. I just need to sleep,” Dean said. Cas watched as his face paled at the idea of going to the doctor. 

“You should at least drink some more water,” Cas said as he stood up to get a water for Dean.

Dean whimpered when Cas stood up. Cas frowned as he handed the water to Dean and sat back down. “I’m not going to leave, Dean,” Cas said softly. 

Cracking open the water, Dean nodded. “I know. Thanks buddy.”

After a few minutes of silence, Cas got an idea. “Want to watch a movie?”

Dean nodded and scooted over in his bed. 

Cas stood up and got his pillow and laptop. “What do you want to watch?”

“Whatever you want. Honestly, I’ll be asleep within 20 minutes.” Dean whispered as Cas put down his pillow. “Will you… never mind,” Dean started. 

Cas paused. “What?”

“I’m just cold,” Dean whispered, closing his eyes.

“Wait, I have an idea. Hold on a sec,” Cas said going over to his closet. He dug through a basket of stuff he’d brought from home until he found what he was looking for: a rice pack. He stuck the pack in the microwave for a few minutes and waited until it was heated. “This will warm you up,” Cas said handing the pack to Dean. 

Dean pulled the pack up against his chest and curled in around it’s heat. “Thanks,” he sighed.

Cas sat down next to Dean and pulled up Netflix, searching for a movie he would like. 

Dean had been correct, it didn’t much matter what Cas picked because he was asleep shortly after they’d settled in to watch it. Cas stayed where he was while he watched the movie instead of moving back to his own bed. He thought maybe he was helping Dean sleep, plus he’d told Dean he wouldn’t leave. 

 

When the movie ended Cas closed his laptop and laid there for a moment. He could feel the heat radiating off Dean and was worried that his temperature was too high. He was about to wake Dean himself when Dean slowly opened his eyes.

“You’re still here,” Dean croaked. 

Cas gave him a little smile. “Of course I am. I told you I wasn’t going to leave.”

“Sam always left as soon as I fell asleep,” Dean mumbled, rolling closer to Cas’ side. 

“You’re very warm,” Cas said, reaching for the bottle of Tylenol.

“You calling me hot, Novak?” Dean asked, a smirk playing at the side of his lips.

Cas rolled his eyes and stuck a few pills in Dean’s hand. “You are quite attractive, yes, but that is not exactly what I meant. I think your fever is back up,” Cas explained.

Dean took the Tylenol and opened Cas’ laptop back up. “Let’s watch something else. Unless you have homework you need to get done,” Dean said, looking disappointed.

“No, I have no work I need to do,” Cas responded, pulling up Netflix again. He handed the laptop to Dean, letting him pick the next movie to watch. Cas looked at Dean’s face and noticed how his fever flushed cheeks seemed to make his freckles stand out and his green eyes more green than normal.

“Cas?” Dean asked, looking up at him. 

Cas jumped slightly, realizing he’d been staring. “What did you say?”

“Is this movie okay?” Dean asked, pointing to the screen. 

Cas nodded and rested back into his pillow. He had an odd feeling in his chest, one he’d never felt before. He sighed, allowing himself to feel happy as he watched a movie he liked with his best friend snuggled in beside him.


	5. Chapter 5

-Dean-

Dean walked quickly, pulling his coat tighter around himself against the chilly autumn gales that blew across campus. It was nearing Thanksgiving break and Dean was more than ready for a brain break. He and Cas had survived the Freshman Plague and had felt more connected after they watched movies together in Dean’s bed. 

Cas had started opening up more about what his home life had been like when Dean asked. He wasn’t at the point of volunteering information, but Dean could see that he was 50 times more comfortable around Dean than he had been before they had gotten sick and were forced to care for each other. 

Dean had talked with Sam a few more times about how he felt towards Cas, and Sam told him to just be friends with him. If there was supposed to be more between them it would come naturally and nothing would need to feel forced. 

“Dean!” 

Dean turned around as he neared the front door of his dormitory. It was Cas, waving at him.

“Headed to class?” Dean asked, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

“Yes. Want to grab dinner when I get out? Tonight is wing night,” Cas said, backing away from Dean, ready to head to class. 

“Hell yeah, I’m always down for wing night!” Dean said as he swiped his card to unlock the door. Cas waved at him again and headed off in the opposite direction.

Dean smiled as he walked into the lobby, his body shivering as he felt the wall of heat hit him from the heaters next to the doors. He headed up the stairs and let himself into his room. There were a few assignments he needed to start working on so he would have the weekend free to relax. He opened up his laptop and got to work, letting himself get totally wrapped up in the questions he was answering. 

Suddenly, a shrill blaring pierced the air. Dean jumped three feet off his chair and looked around, slightly panicked. The light on the wall above the smoke detector was flashing at him and Dean realized there was a fire drill happening. He grabbed his coat and stuffed his feet into his boots before clomping down the stairs to the lobby. He followed the mass of people that were leaving the building to a grassy area on the side of the building. He saw the familiar faces of his RA’s and felt less nervous about the whole ordeal. He knew they would know what to do. 

Pulling his coat closer around him, Dean decided he might as well text Cas about what was going on. 

You’re lucky, man. Fire drill happening here. Dean figured Cas wouldn’t answer because he was in class and he had a strict no texting during class rule, but sooner then Dean thought, his phone buzzed.

That is unfortunate. It is quite chilly outside. Did you put on a coat?

Dean smirked and answered him. Yes Mom, I put my coat on.

Cas didn’t answer that one, but Dean assumed he would have something to say once he got back from class. Cas’ sense of humor was almost nonexistent when he met Dean, and Dean was proud of the fact that he was opening Cas up to all these new ways of appreciating jokes.

After standing out in the cold for 15 minutes the building was cleared and they were allowed to go back into their rooms. Dean shivered again when he entered the building and walked through the wall of heat. He didn’t mind winter, but cold weather was only good when there was snow on the ground to prove that it was cold. 

Dean went back to his desk and started in on his questions again. He was almost done with them by the time Cas got back from class. 

“Hey Cas. How was class?” Dean asked, submitting his answers to his professor. 

“It was interesting. How was the fire drill?” Cas asked, pulling off his coat and hanging it over the back of his chair.

“Oh it was great. We got to stand there for 20 minutes freezing our balls off so they could tell us it was a drill. Fan-fucking-tastic,” Dean said, running a hand through his hair.

“Dean?” Cas asked, sitting on the foot of Dean’s bed.

“Yeah?” Dean answered, turning to face Cas. He had a sympathetic look on his face, like he felt bad about something. 

“Doesn’t it hurt you to make jokes about your mom?” 

Dean sat, not sure how to answer that. Then he remembered the text he sent Cas, saying something about yes mom, I’m wearing my coat. “Is this about the text message I sent you?” Cas nodded. “Look, my mom died when I was four. I remember her clear as day, but a lot of time has passed and it doesn’t always hurt like it used to. And the joke wasn’t about her specifically. Just a mom in general. I have never joked specifically about my own mom. It doesn’t really seem right.”

“So it stops hurting so much after some time passes?” Cas asked looking down at his hands, which he was wringing, a telltale sign that he was nervous about something.

“After a while, yeah. It’s different for everyone though. Don’t you remember the grief spiel from middle school health class?” Dean asked, trying to catch Cas’ eye. Something wasn’t sitting right with him. 

“Vaguely. I didn’t pay much attention in health class. I thought it was useless,” Cas stated. 

“Says the pre-med major,” Dean joked. Cas didn’t smile. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Dean refrained from reaching out and tipping Cas’ chin up to look at him. 

Cas sighed. “Just feeling kind of blue about an incident that occurred during high school.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Dean leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. 

Cas finally looked up at him and Dean’s breath caught in his chest. Cas looked so sad. Dean wanted to pick him up and hug him until he felt better. “I’ve never really talked to anyone about this before,” Cas started.

“I’ll listen to whatever you want to say, and if it’s too much you can stop and I won’t ask any questions until you’re ready,” Dean said looking directly into Cas’ piercing blue eyes. 

Cas took a deep breath. “I had a friend in high school. His name was Balthazar and he killed himself when we were juniors. He’s the only person I’ve ever called my best friend other than you.” Cas paused and Dean felt all the air leave his lungs. He wasn’t sure what to say, so he let the silence linger until Cas continued. “For the most part I feel like I’m okay with what happened. Not okay in the way he did it or the fact that he did do it, but in the fact that he’s gone. But sometimes I just feel really sad about it. And sometimes, even worse than being sad, I feel guilty that I couldn’t help him. 

“When I heard what had happened I was speechless. For a while I thought it was just a rumor and that he had maybe tried to kill himself but hadn’t actually done it, you know? But then there was a funeral and I knew it was real and I… I just shut down.”

Dean was quiet for a moment before speaking. “I’m so sorry Cas,” was all that he could think to say. 

“That’s when my grandparents became my support system. My brothers had all graduated and moved out so it was just me and them. They let me stay home for a week or so but then forced me to go back to school.” Cas paused again and took a shaky breath. “The worst part was, it seemed like I was the only one who even noticed that he was gone.” 

Dean saw tears start to fall then, and did what he would have done with Sam. He moved over to sit next to Cas. He wrapped his arms around Cas’ shoulders and pulled him close. 

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you,” Dean whispered, slowly rocking back and forth. Cas was a silent cryer, so Dean wasn’t sure if what he was doing was helping or not. After a few minutes Cas sat up and wiped his eyes. Dean looked at him and could feel the empathy rolling off of himself. 

“Thank you,” Cas said after a moment, his voice thick with tears. 

“You gonna be okay?” Dean asked, looking at him with worry.

“Yes. Today was just a rough day. Tomorrow will be better.” 

Dean gave Cas’ arm a squeeze and got up to get him a box of tissues. 

“Thank you,” Cas said taking a few out of the box. He blew his nose and took a deep breath, collecting himself. 

Dean watched him with concern. Cas had kept that secret for almost three months. If he could hide something that big about himself, what else was he hiding?

“Dean, you can stop looking at me like that. I’m okay, really,” Cas said as he stood up. He threw out his tissues and rubbed at his eyes. Taking another deep breath Cas smiled. It wasn’t very convincing and he looked like a kicked puppy. But at least he was trying. “Let’s go. It’s wing night!” 

-Cas-

Despite feeling sad about reliving what had happened to Balthazar, Cas felt good about telling Dean. He hadn’t really told anyone, but he felt like he could trust Dean with the information. Dean sort of knew what he went through because of his mom. Knowing that Dean turned out okay despite his misfortune made Cas feel better about himself. 

They went to dinner and ate wings and, even though they were only cafeteria grade, everyone was waiting excitedly in line to get their share of wings. Cas followed Dean to a table and they sat to eat.

“I just had a great idea,” Dean said with his mouth full. 

“Which would be to chew and swallow before you speak?” Cas asked, slightly disgusted by Dean’s manners. 

Dean laughed before taking a moment to swallow his food. “Well, I guess there’s that too, but I just figured out what I want my first tattoo to be.”

“What do you want it to be?” Cas asked after realizing Dean wasn’t going to carry the conversation on his own like he sometimes did. 

“A set of wings. On my back I think. There’s this great tattoo artist, Benny, back home who could do some cool ones.”

“Like, chicken wings?” Cas asked, confused. 

“No doofus, angel wings,” Dean said. 

Cas paused for a moment. “You know, I think I have a sketch in the room of some you would like.”

“You draw?”

“No, but my brother Lucifer did. He was very good. I’m pretty sure I brought all his sketches with me, as a part of home.” Cas took a drink of his water and rubbed at his eyes again. His eyelids felt swollen and he was sure anyone who looked at him for more than a nanosecond could tell he had been crying. 

“That would be super cool, thanks!” Dean said, stuffing another wing into his mouth. Cas rolled his eyes and smirked.

“What are your plans for Thanksgiving?” Cas asked, trying to make it sound casual.

“Going home, probably gonna eat with Bobby and Ellen and Sam. Not sure if my dad will be around,” Dean said like he’d already planned it out. “Why?” 

“Just curious.” Cas looked down at his plate and hoped Dean would invite him to dinner so he wouldn’t have to invite himself. He knew that was rude.

“Are you going home?” Dean asked, looking Cas over.

“No, I’m staying here,” Cas said. 

“Do you wanna come to my house?” Dean asked, suddenly excited about bringing Cas home.

“That would be lovely, thank you Dean,” Cas said, blushing profusely.

“Man, Ellen’s gonna love you!” Dean said, laughing. 

Cas smiled and let himself feel happy about being loved by Dean’s family. 

 

The drive to Dean’s house didn’t take as long as Cas had expected it to. They were there within the hour and Dean took them directly to Bobby and Ellen’s house. Dean seemed nervous when they parked in the yard of Singer’s Auto. Cas wasn’t sure why.

“Dean?” Cas asked quietly as Dean turned the engine off.

“Yeah?” Dean looked over at Cas and swallowed loudly. His freckles were standing out on his cheeks and the pale colors of dead grass and empty trees made his eyes greener than ever.

“Is everything alright?”

Dean nodded and forced a smile. “Yeah, everything’s peachy!” 

Cas continued to stare at him.

“I’m just nervous that my dad will be here. No biggie.” 

Cas reached across the seat and rested his hand on top of Dean’s. “Don’t worry about him. Just have a good time. Enjoy being with Sam and Bobby and Ellen. I know you’ve been missing them a lot.”

Dean looked up into Cas’ eyes and felt the same way he had the night of the macaroni and cheese moan. He quickly pulled his hand away from Cas and nodded.

“Thanks Cas.” He took a deep breath. “Let’s go meet the family!” 

 

Dean was correct, Ellen did love Cas. So did Bobby and Sam, as far as Cas could tell. They all seemed so pleased that he was joining them for the holiday when they showed him to his own room and got him all settled in. 

Later that night Cas had excused himself from the family movie night that was happening in the living room to get a drink. He pulled some milk out of the fridge and turned to get a glass. 

“Hon, I want to thank you,” Ellen said quietly, coming up behind Cas. Cas set the milk on there counter and turned to face her.

“For what?” Cas asked, genuinely confused. 

“For making that boy so damn happy. I haven’t seen him this excited about life in a long time. A long, long time.” Ellen opened her arms and Cas could see no way out of the hug situation, so he let himself get pulled into her body. When she let him go he looked up at her and saw that she had tears in her eyes. 

“I guess your name is appropriate,” she said, pouring his milk for him.

“What do you mean?” Cas asked. 

“Sweetheart, you’re his angel,” Ellen hummed, handing him his glass.

 

That Thanksgiving was the best Cas had ever had. Dean’s family was so welcoming he felt more at home than he ever did in New York. Plus, Cas had been allowed to help Ellen and Bobby in the kitchen. In fact, it was expected that all three boys held their own in the kitchen. They all listened to music and told stories and laughed. Cas could see what Ellen meant about Dean being happy. His cheeks were glowing, flushed for hours upon hours and his smile never left his face. Had Cas really made him this happy person he was watching dance around in front of him? He couldn’t be sure, but he knew that Dean made him happy too, in a way no one else had before.

As soon as dinner dishes were washed and pie had been eaten, Dean, Cas and Sam headed into the living room to watch some movies. Ellen and Bobby disappeared upstairs and the kids had the first floor all to themselves. 

“Okay Sam, you know the drill!” Dean exclaimed, cheeks flushed from the one beer he’d been allowed to drink.

Sam got up off the couch and went over to the movie shelf. He found a DVD and stuck it in the player before sitting back down with two blankets. He kept one for himself and handed one to Dean. 

Dean spread the blanket over both his and Cas’ lap and settled in to watch the movie that was now playing on the tv. 

“Frosty the Snowman? Are you serious?” Cas asked, surprised they were already in the Christmas spirit.

“Shh, you’ll ruin the magic,” Dean whispered. “Come here.” Dean reached out and pulled Cas into his side, keeping his arm looped over Cas’ shoulders. Cas glanced at Sam, who smiled at him through the dark. Seeing that Sam was okay with it, Cas relaxed into Dean’s body like it was the most natural thing he’d ever done. There was no awkward shifting like how he’d imagined it would be. 

The movie played and Cas suspected the beer Dean had drunk had boosted his confidence because by the end of it they were full on snuggling. Sam had fallen asleep somewhere around the train scene, and soon after Dean drifted off. 

Cas laid there for a while, watching Frosty melt, and thought about how wonderful Dean’s family was. About how wonderful Dean was. He wasn’t sure what their relationship was labeled as, but it felt like the strongest kind of friendship there was. There was a chance that when Dean woke up or when the alcohol wore off he would push Cas away. Dean had never seemed like the cuddly type, at least not so far. But then again, Cas had only known him for what, three months? That wasn’t very long in the span of Dean’s life. 

 

When Cas woke up he was still sprawled out with Dean on the couch, although Sam had disappeared and the tv had magically turned itself off. Cas looked around. There was weak sunlight shining through the windows and Cas guessed that it was early morning. He was about to get up to go to the bathroom when he heard voices coming from the kitchen. He stopped moving and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

“I can see that El, but what about John?” Bobby whispered harshly. 

“What about John? That boy is the happiest we’ve ever seen him and I’ll be damned if I let John ruin that.” Ellen whispered back. 

“So we just don’t tell him?”

“That’s exactly what we’ll do. The longer we fight off the inevitable the better.”

Cas waited until Bobby and Ellen had poured their coffee and gone back upstairs before getting up and going to the bathroom. 

What did they mean, what about John? Would Dean’s dad be mad that they were friends? Cas shivered at the thought of making anyone mad at Dean as he walked back to the couch and crawled under the blanket next to his best friend.


	6. Chapter 6

-Dean-

 

Dean tossed his bag on his bed and sat down at his desk. There were two more weeks of classes and then one week of finals and he would be done with his first semester of college. He was ready to pack up his brain and check out for the year, but he knew he couldn’t. Not yet. He could get through three more weeks of class. He could do it. 

What he wasn’t sure he could do was be around Cas all the time. The urge to kiss that perplexed look off Cas’ face came across Dean far too often and one of these times he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop it from happening. 

He’d talked to Sam about it, and Sam admitted that he thought there was chemistry between them. That made Dean nervous. What if he let Cas down? Or, even worse, what if they did get together and then broke up? Would they still be friends? Dean couldn’t deal with losing Cas as a friend. He was turning out to be the best friend Dean had ever had. He felt that they had some profound bond, something that went deeper than just friendship.

That night Dean made a rash decision. In order to keep himself from kissing Cas, he texted a girl from his intro to business class and asked her to go to dinner with him. Usually he and Cas ate together, but Dean had an itch he needed scratched and he didn’t want to do something stupid and screw up what he had with Cas.

Of course the girl said yes, so they went and ate. When they got back Cas had left a note telling Dean he’d gone to the library. 

“Well, looks like it’s just us for awhile. What should we do?” Dean asked, winking. Girls always fell apart for the wink. 

Things progressed quickly and soon they were both naked on Dean’s bed. Dean was so wrapped up in what was happening beneath him that he didn’t hear Cas open the door. He didn’t see Cas standing there, open mouthed at what was taking place before him. He only came to when Cas slammed the door. 

“Who was that?” The girl beneath him asked, reaching for her shirt. 

“Shit, that was my roommate. Shit,” Dean said, dismounting. “I’m sorry about this. I gotta go find him, he’s picky about me bringing girls home. I’ll text you okay?” Dean lied. 

They both dressed in awkward silence. Dean walked her to the stairwell and then called Cas as soon as she was out of hearing range. Cas didn’t answer and let the call go to voicemail. 

“This is Cas. Make your voice a mail.”

“Cas, look man, I’m sorry okay? You said you were in the library so I figured I had enough time and she would be gone before you even got back. I’m sorry. Call me back.” 

Dean hung up and went back into the room. It stunk like sex, so he stripped his sheets and cracked the window. A feeling of dread settled in his stomach as he remade his bed and listened for Cas to come back. 

 

The next morning Cas still wasn’t back, although it looked like he had been there some time during the night or early morning to shower and change his clothes for classes the next day.

Dean texted him several times during the day asking where he was and if he was okay. He called again and got Cas’ voicemail, again.

“Cas, buddy, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t know you would be back so soon. It won’t happen again, I swear. Please come back tonight. I don’t like sleeping in an empty room.”

When Dean got back from his afternoon lab, Cas was sitting at his desk.

“Hey man, I’m glad you’re back,” Dean said as he dropped his bag on the floor. Cas ignored him completely and kept on working. 

“Okay,” Dean huffed, sitting on his bed. “Look, I know you’re mad but it won’t happen again. I’ll go to her place next time,” Dean promised, hoping to make Cas less angry. It didn’t work.

“Next time?” Cas exploded, turning around in his chair so quickly Dean jumped, ready for an attack. “There’s going to be a next time?”

“I mean, maybe,” Dean answered cautiously, not sure why that part made Cas so upset. 

Cas didn’t say a word as he stood up, gathered his things, and stormed out of the room.

Dean texted him, tired of speaking to Cas’ voicemail. What the hell did I do wrong? Talk to me man, I don’t know what it is that’s upsetting you so much.

Cas didn’t answer his text. Instead, he came back to the room close to midnight in a full on rage. Dean was tucked into bed, almost asleep as he read a book on his phone. He jumped up when Cas threw the door open. 

“You want to know what’s so upsetting to me?” Cas asked, his voice a loud whisper to keep the neighbors from complaining. Dean sat up and turned on his desk lamp to illuminate the room. “I’ll tell you. It wasn’t the fact that I walked in on you having sex, it was the fact that you were having sex!” Cas seethed. 

Dean was very confused. “W-what?”

“I thought we had something special Dean,” Cas whispered, voice starting to fade out. Dean thought maybe there would be tears falling from Cas’ eyes soon. “I’ve never been in love with anyone so I don’t know what it’s like, but you’d have to be lying if you said you don’t feel what’s between us.” Cas sunk down onto the floor and sure enough, tears started to fall. Dean got up and went over to sit with Cas.

“Shit Cas, of course I feel it. I’ve felt it practically since the day I met you. That’s why I had the girl over, to distract myself from what I feel for you,” Dean said softly, hoping he wasn’t explaining this the wrong way. 

“That makes zero sense, Dean,” Cas sniffed. 

“Look, remember that night I didn’t come home?” Cas nodded. “That was because I was out with a girl trying to shake the feeling from my heart that I liked you. It didn’t work, clearly, but I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want to scare you away. I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way and I didn’t want to lose you as a friend because you are my best friend Cas, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can’t lose you. I can’t.” Dean’s own voice was beginning to break as tears stung the backs of his eyes. “Ever since we slept on the couch together at Bobby and Ellen’s I can’t shake this feeling of needing to kiss you and I didn’t want to do it on accident. I thought it would push you away. That’s why that girl was here, to make it so I didn’t do something stupid and screw us up, but I guess that’s exactly what I did.”

Cas looked up at Dean. “You-you wanted to kiss me?”

Dean nodded and pulled his knees up to his chest. “I’ve been so confused about all of this because I’ve always been into girls, but then I met you and all that certainty went right out the window.” It felt strange for Dean to admit this to anyone but Sam. 

Cas was quiet for a minute before he spoke up. “I’ve been confused too,” he said. “Before I met you I’d never felt connected to anyone, not the way we’re connected. Balthazar and I, we were friends but it was nothing like what you and I share.”

“It’s like I’ve known you all my life,” Dean whispered. He looked down to try and avoid showing Cas that his eyes were tearing up. 

“Dean,” Cas reached over and covered Dean’s hand with his own. Dean looked up at him and tried to smile. “Thank you for explaining yourself to me.”

“I wish I had done it sooner so I didn’t have to hurt you,” Dean whispered, wiping a few tears off his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt. 

“You were trying to protect me though. I appreciate that.”

Dean smiled weakly and scooted over to sit directly beside Cas. He leaned into Cas’ side and rested his head on Cas’ shoulder. He felt Cas press a kiss to the top of his head and his heart exploded inside his chest. 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean, like Dean had done that night Cas was upset about Balthazar, and held him close.

“So,” Dean said when Cas was starting to drift to sleep with Dean in his arms. “Does this mean we’re dating now or something?”

“I would be very pleased if that’s what it meant,” Cas said, smiling to himself. 

“Castiel Novak, would you do me the honor of becoming my boyfriend?” Dean asked, sitting up and holding out his hand. 

Cas gladly grabbed Dean’s outstretched hand and smiled. “I would love to be your boyfriend, Dean Winchester.” 

 

“Hey Sam,” Dean said when Sam answered his phone. It was early, and Sam was probably still at home getting ready for school.

“Hey Dean. What’s up?” Sam yawned.

“Cas and I sort of had a falling out last night,” Dean said as he poured himself a bowl of cereal.

“What happened?” Sam asked, suddenly sounding wide awake.

“Well, I had this girl over and he walked in on us mid thrust, and-”

“What the hell Dean? Why would you sleep with another girl? Were you trying to piss him off?” Sam interrupted. 

“Wait, Sammy, I’m not done with my story yet.” Dean found a seat and started to eat his breakfast. “So anyway, he was mad and gave me the silent treatment for about a day before he finally came back to the room and snapped. I asked him why he was so mad and he told me it wasn’t because I had someone else in the room, but because I was having sex, period! Then he stormed off and I went to bed.”

“So is he still mad at you?”

“No, as a matter of fact he is not. That’s the part I’m getting to. See, he came back late last night and woke me up and we had a chat. Turns out I’m not crazy for being in love with the guy, he feels it too, so I explained that the other girls were to keep myself from scaring him away,” Dean said, pushing his now empty bowl away from him. 

“Because that’s 100% logical,” Sam huffed, his sarcasm evident. 

“Anyway,” Dean said over Sam’s almost undetectable commentary, “We talked it out and now I have myself my first boyfriend!” 

“Dean, that’s really great. I happy for you!” Sam said, sounding genuine. “Is he coming home with you for Christmas?”

“We haven’t talked about it yet but I would assume so. He doesn’t want to go home ever again if he can help it,” Dean explained. 

“What are you going to tell Dad?”

Dean paused. He hadn’t thought about that yet. “I’ll come up with something. I always do, you know that Sammy.”

“Alright, well let me know what you decide so our stories match.”

“Will do captain.”

“I gotta go to school. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay Sammy, have a good day.”

“Bye Dean.” 

 

Sam had brought up a good point. What would Dean tell John? He figured he should talk to Cas first and make sure he was even coming home with him for Christmas break. That was a good place to start. 

Dean glanced at the clock on the wall. He had a feeling these last two weeks of classes was going to drag on. It took all he could do to stay awake during the lecture.

When the professor finally dismissed them, Dean packed up his notes and headed back to his dorm. Glancing at his phone as he opened the door, he saw that Cas had texted him.

I need to talk to you.

Dean got an uneasy feeling in his stomach as he climbed the stairs and swallowed thickly when he opened the door. Cas was lying on his bed, filling out what looked like an application. 

“Hey Cas,” Dean said as he put his bag on the floor by his bed. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Christmas. Particularly how we’ll have to act if I’m allowed to go home with you,” Cas said abruptly, sitting up and facing Dean.

“Oh. Well, first of all, of course you can come home with me. You know Bobby and Ellen love you. And as far as how we have to act, I think just being ourselves is a good place to start.” Dean sat down on the foot of Cas’ bed and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“What about your dad?” Cas asked nervously, wringing his hands. 

Dean reached over and rested his hands on Cas’. “Relax. To be honest, I’m not even sure if he’ll be around.”

Cas held onto Dean’s hand as he took a shaky breath. “I heard Ellen and Bobby talking the morning after we slept on the couch. They’re worried about how John will react.”

“I mean, he’s never been supportive of this kind of stuff, but maybe we can change his mind?” Dean felt his stomach twist into a knot as those words came out of his mouth. There’s no way John would accept his and Cas’ relationship. “Tell you what, if he’s not around we can do whatever the hell we want. Bobby and Ellen don’t care. They’re happy if I’m happy, and I’m very happy.” Dean smiled and scooted over a little closer to Cas on the bed. “And if, now this is a big if, my dad shows up we’ll figure it out. Just do what I do, okay?”

Cas nodded and wrapped his arms around Dean’s middle. Dean put his arms around Cas’ shoulders but wasn’t sure what else to do besides that. Cas didn’t seem like he was ready for any part of a relationship besides simple hugs and maybe some cuddles. Dean didn’t want to push his luck, but his whole being ached to kiss those lips as he gazed into Cas’ brilliant sky eyes. 

 

Finals went by quickly even though Dean was running on coffee and cookies swiped from the dining hall. Cas was also spending all his time cramming for his exams, and they hardly saw each other for most of the week. 

Dean breathed a sigh of relief as he left the lecture hall where his last final was being held. He’d finished his first semester of college without dropping out, and, if he was being honest with himself, he was happier than he’d ever been. He felt like skipping all the way back to the dorm, having barely enough self control to keep himself from doing so. 

Cas was packing up his backpack for his last exam when Dean got back to the room. “How was your exam?” he asked Dean as he slipped his jacket on. 

“I think it went well. It was my easiest one so far,” Dean replied, pulling off his boots. 

“My next one will be alright I think. It shouldn’t take me very long, and all my bags are packed so we can head out when I get back,” Cas said. A smile broke out on his face and it made Dean feel weightless on the inside. 

“Good luck! You’ve got it!” Dean called as Cas slipped out the door into the hallway. Cas waved as he closed the door and then he was gone. 

 

Dean had just finished packing his bag when Cas got back, looking flushed.

“How did it go?” Dean asked, smiling because he couldn’t help but smile when he looked at Cas.

“Very well!” He dropped his bag on his bed and skipped over to Dean, wrapping his arms around him. “We’re done our first semester of college. How did that happen?” Cas laughed. “I felt like skipping all the way back here.” 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas as his grin widened. “Me too! It took all I had not to do it,” he said, laughing. 

“Are you ready to go? I can’t wait to have a home cooked meal,” Cas said as he added a few last minute items to his backpack. 

“Just finished,” Dean told him as he zipped up his duffel bag. 

Cas picked up his other bag, Dean grabbed his keys, and they hit the road.


	7. Chapter 7

-Dean-

There wasn’t anyone at Bobby and Ellen’s when Dean parked at the end of the long driveway. He let out a breath of relief seeing that John wasn’t around yet. 

He led Cas inside and upstairs where they unpacked their belongings and then headed back downstairs to watch a movie. 

“Is Sam staying here while we’re home?” Cas asked, looping his fingers through Dean’s. 

“He might, but our house is closer to his school so I think he’ll probably stay home until his break starts,” Dean answered, squeezing Cas’ hand tight and bringing it up to his lips. 

“What time do Bobby and Ellen usually get home?” 

“Any time between 3 and 5. Why?” Dean wondered what Cas was getting at.

Cas looked at the clock on the wall. “I was just curious.” 

They way Cas was looking at Dean was sending shivers down his spine straight to his dick. He licked his lips and raised his eyebrows at Cas. “You’re giving me bedroom eyes, sweetheart.”

Cas didn’t say anything but leaned into Dean’s personal space, slowly pressing his lips against Dean’s. 

Dean moved slowly, like he was trying to hold a scared animal, as he wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him closer. Cas didn’t seem to mind, so Dean pulled him down until they were lying down on the couch, Cas on top of Dean. 

After a minute of sloppily making out, Dean came back into his head. 

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Dean asked, pulling back to catch his breath. 

Cas rubbed his nose against Dean’s. “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You just haven’t had a girlfriend or anything and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, that’s all. I don’t want to go too fast,” Dean said, noticing how Cas was shaking on top of him. “Are you cold?” Dean asked, rubbing his hands up and down Cas’ arms. 

“Cold and a little nervous, if I’m being honest.” Cas responded, curling into Dean’s chest.

“Well, here, sit up for a second,” Dean said as he sat up. He unfolded the blanket that was hanging on the beck of the couch and draped it over Cas. “We don’t have to do anything if you’re nervous. We can go as slow as you want.”

“But you’ve already-” Cas started.

“Cas, don’t you dare think I expect anything from you that you don’t want to do.” Dean grabbed Cas’ face in his hands and looked him in the eye. “Okay?”

Cas nodded, letting out a deep breath. 

“There’s nothing to be nervous about, Cas.” Dean kissed Cas on the tip of his nose and pulled him into a hug. “Want to just watch the movie?”

“That would be lovely, yes. Thank you.” Cas leaned into Dean’s side and pulled the blanket closer around him.

Dean wrapped an arm around Cas’ shoulders as they watched the movie and Dean noticed that Cas had stopped shivering. He smirked and kissed Cas on his temple, taking in the scent of his shampoo. 

 

“Hi-a Sammy!” Dean said as Sam walked through the door, pulling him into a bear hug. “How was school?” 

“It was good. How were your finals?” Sam asked as he pulled back from Dean and dumped his backpack on the floor by Bobby’s back door. 

“I think they went pretty good, don’t you Cas?”

“Yes, I believe they went well,” Cas said, emphasizing the correct grammar. 

Dean rolled his eyes and followed Sam into the kitchen where Ellen and Bobby were starting to cook dinner. 

Cas sat down at the kitchen table and Dean went to stand behind him, resting a hand on Cas’ shoulder. 

“Hope you boys are hungry,” Ellen said, glancing at the touch between Dean and Cas. “I’m making pork chops.”

“With mashed potatoes?” Dean asked, all too excited. 

“You know it honey,” Ellen smiled. 

“Man, I’ve been looking forward to a home cooked meal since Thanksgiving!” Dean said, laughing. He went over to the fridge and found a gallon of milk. “Want some?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrows at Cas. Cas nodded and smiled meekly. Dean poured two glasses and took them to the kitchen table. 

“Wanna play a game?” Dean asked Sam, sitting down next to Cas. 

“Yeah! I’ll go get one, be right back!” Sam said, running up the stairs to the closet in their bedroom. 

“Sam’s a sucker for board games. Can play em all day if you let him,” Dean explained, grabbing Cas’ hand under the table. Dean felt a bubble of joy rise up in his chest at the smile that broke out across Cas’ face. 

 

The rest of break went on like that night, playing board games, helping Bobby and Ellen cook, and watching movies snuggled on the couch. Dean and Cas helped Bobby in his garage some days when he was overwhelmed with oil changes, but most days they drove around seeing Dean’s hometown and spending time together. They went to a few of Sam’s basketball games and made out in the bathroom at half time like a couple of horny high schoolers. 

Everything was going perfectly until Christmas Eve. That’s when John showed up. Dean was sitting with Cas at the table looking over their textbook lists for the next semester when Sam walked in looking glum. Dean raised his eyebrows in question and Sam answered by tilting his chin in the direction of the driveway. 

“My dad’s here,” Dean whispered, leaning close to Cas. “Just follow my lead, okay?” 

Cas nodded and swallowed nervously. 

Dean stood up and went to wait by the front door for John to come inside. Cas followed closely behind him, making sure to keep enough distance so that they didn’t look like anything but friends. 

“Dean, how’s school going?” John asked as he walked in the front door.

“It’s fine, sir,” Dean answered, eyes on the ground. He had a rolling ball of anxiety in his chest about John finding out about him and Cas. How would he react? Certainly not well, Dean knew that. He just wasn’t sure how over the top it would be. 

“Who’s this?” John asked, shaking Cas’ hand. 

“I’m Cas, Dean’s roommate,” Cas said, shaking John’s hand back. His grip was like a vice and his voice was steely. Being in the same room as John Winchester made Cas feel like a child again.

John grunted a hello and then went to find Bobby out in the garage.

Dean turned and leaned against the wall as soon as John was out of sight, palms sweating like he’d almost been caught in a lie. 

“Dean?” Cas asked, surprised at the effect John had on him. 

Dean stood up and forced a smile at Cas. “Let’s go find Sam. I bet he wants to play another board game,” Dean said shakily. 

They went upstairs to their room and found Sam sitting on Dean’s bed.

“Wanna play a game?” Dean asked, sitting beside Sam. Cas sat next to Dean and lightly rubbed Dean’s back.

“Which one? We’ve played most of them by now,” Sam said sullenly. He was in his Sam the Grouch mood, something Dean gave up on trying to fix a long time ago. 

“We could watch a movie instead,” Dean suggested.

“I think The Polar Express is on at 6:30,” Cas piped in, leaning on Dean’s shoulder. 

“It’s settled then! I love that movie,” Dean smiled, kissing Cas on the cheek.

Sam glared at him for that.

“What the hell is your problem?” Dean asked, not missing the fire that flew from Sam’s eyes. 

“Can we talk?” Sam asked. “Alone.”

Dean glanced at Cas, who stood up. “It’s fine. I want to shower anyway,” Cas said. He gave Dean’s shoulder a squeeze as he left the room and went to the bathroom. 

Once he was gone Dean crossed his arms over his chest and waited for Sam to say something. 

“What is Dad gonna do?” Sam asked quietly.

“What do you mean?” Dean knew exactly what Sam meant, but if Dean acted like it wasn’t a big deal Sam might relax a little. 

“If he finds out about you and Cas, what’s he gonna do?” 

“I don’t know Sam. But I’m hoping we won’t have to cross that bridge while I’m here. Cas gets it, and we’re gonna play it cool while he’s around. Hopefully he’ll be too under the influence to notice anything,” Dean said, knowing deep down that John was never too intoxicated to not notice something as obvious as the feelings he and Cas shared. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “He’ll notice Dean. Everyone notices.” 

“Well we care for each other, we can’t hide that Sam. I don’t know what you want me to do about it.” 

“I don’t want him to hurt you,” Sam whispered. 

Dean sighed, glad Sam finally gave up what was really bothering him. “He won’t, okay? Bobby won’t let that happen here. Don’t worry about me, I can hold my own.” Dean knew this wasn’t true either but it made him feel a little more confident about the whole situation. 

“I’ll tell you what, let’s go downstairs and put on our happy faces and play a game or whatever and act the part until the holiday is over and he leaves, okay?” Dean said, ruffling Sam’s hair. 

“Fine,” Sam grunted. He stood up and opened the closet door to pick a board game. 

“Pick a short one, The Polar Express is almost on!” Dean said, peeking over Sam’s shoulder to see what choices there were. 

As they were deciding on which one to play, Cas got back from his shower, all steamy and distracting. Dean turned to face Cas as he pulled off the shirt he’d been wearing all day and slipped into a clean one. Cas noticed Dean staring and winked, making Dean blush. As much as Dean wanted to push Cas onto his bed and wrestle in the sheets, Sam was still in the room and Cas hadn’t said anything about being comfortable enough for that. They’d started sleeping in the same bed, holding hands and talking until one of them fell asleep in the wee hours of the night. In a way that was Dean’s favorite part of being with Cas. He knew Dean better than anyone else in the whole world now, and it was a good feeling. 

“Pick one yet Sam?” Dean asked, grabbing Cas’ hand. He found that it was hard to be in the same room as Cas and not be touching him. 

“Yeah, we’ll play Skat. That’s quick.” Sam said pulling out a deck of cards. 

They went down to the kitchen table and sat down. Ellen brought over three mugs of hot chocolate. Only a few rounds of the game got fit in before they hurried to the living room to watch the Polar Express, the Christmas tree sparkling next to the couch. 

 

Christmas Day started bright and early, Sam nudging Dean and Cas awake to go sneak a peek at the tree before Bobby, Ellen, and John woke up. Dean felt all warm and tingly inside when he saw Cas light up at the sight of his own presents and stocking places neatly under the tree. 

Ellen walked in on the three of them shaking their presents gently, trying to guess what was inside. 

“What do you thing you’re doing?” she asked with fake authority in her voice. 

“Merry Christmas!” Sam said, getting up off the floor to give her a hug. Dean and Cas did the same. 

“Merry Christmas boys. Now, how about some breakfast?”

They all helped Ellen make French toast and bacon, along with some hot chocolate and coffee, and waited for John and Bobby to wake up. By 8 o’clock Ellen went to see what was taking so long because if they didn’t hustle up their breakfast would be cold. 

 

After breakfast Dean, Sam, and Cas went into the living room to open their presents. Dean and Cas got out the same things; new socks, money for text books, easy food to cook in the microwave. Sam got a few books he’d been nerding about for the most 6 months and a new pair of sneakers.

When everything was opened, Dean and Cas took their goodies upstairs to pack away while Sam stayed downstairs to explain his books to Ellen and Bobby. 

“Dean?” Cas asked, suddenly becoming very solemn. 

“What’s wrong?” Dean set the things he was carrying on Sam’s bed and pulled Cas into his arms.

“Nothing’s wrong, I was just wondering if I could kiss you now,” Cas said, leaning in close to Dean’s face so that his lips brushed Dean’s earlobe as he spoke. 

Cas felt Dean shiver at the contact and smiled. 

“Hell yes you can kiss me,” Dean said, stepping away from Cas to close the bedroom door quietly. 

As it clicked shut, Cas dropped what he was holding and crawled onto the bed he and Dean had been sharing for the past two weeks.

Dean followed him, unsure about what Cas wanted. He wasn’t unsure for long, because as soon as he was within Cas’ reach, Cas made for Dean’s fly, kissing him as he went.

“Are-are you okay with this?” Dean asked, his pajama pants already tenting in the front. 

“Dean, I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t want to,” Cas respond. 

“As long as you’re sure. You know I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“And I deeply appreciate that, but will you please just let me get into your pants?” 

Dean gave in and laid down on his back to let Cas do whatever he wanted. 

“I’m not really sure what to do, so tell me if you’re not enjoying yourself,” Cas said quietly. Dean could tell by the light touches that Cas was nervous. 

“Just do whatever you would do for yourself. Trust me, I’ll like it.”

“I’ve never done this to myself.”

Dean sat up, propping his weight on his elbows to look at Cas, hoping he was joking. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” Cas was 100% not joking. 

“Dude, why not?”

“It was deemed a sin so I never tried it.”

“Well you’re in for a pleasant surprise then, if it’s okay with you,” Dean said, sitting up all the way so he could push Cas back to lie down. 

“Yes, it’s okay with me,” Cas said, his voice growing deep after swallowing audibly. 

“Let me know if you want me to stop.” Dean slid Cas’ pajama pants off and tossed them to the floor. He could feel the blush creeping into his Cheeks at the sight of Cas naked and ready for action.

He had never romantically been with a guy before so, if he was being honest, he wasn’t totally sure what to do either. He took his own advice and did what he would normally do to himself.

Dean started off slowly, testing the waters. Every few seconds he would look up at Cas to see if he was enjoying himself. He couldn’t tell if Cas was having a good time because he looked so damn concentrated.

“Cas, relax. Just let it feel good,” Dean whispered. He maneuvered himself himself so he could kiss at Cas’ neck as he jerked him off. That got Cas going. The moans that came out of Cas’ mouth were the hottest thing he’d ever heard and he got as hard as a rock. 

Dean didn’t have to touch Cas very long before his climax was coming to its peak.

“Dean! Dean, something’s going to happen,” Cas whispered harshly, trying not to be too loud. 

“Relax and let it happen,” Dean said, keeping his pace steady.

Cas’ orgasm came quickly and it made a huge mess. It was also hot as hell, hearing the noises Cas made and watching his beautiful body spasm. And then, when Cas opened his eyes, his pupils were so dilated that there was only a small ring of piercing blue around the outside. Dean had never felt more empowered; or more turned on.

After what felt like an hour of Cas catching his breath, he rolled onto his side to face Dean.

“Wow,” he whispered.

Dean grinned. “Yeah.”

“Wow,” Cas repeated, rubbing a hand over his face. 

“Ya at a loss for words?” Dean asked, wiping his hands on a tissue. 

Cas nodded and looked down at his lower body. “Thanks for cleaning me up,” he said, his voice low and gravelly. 

“You’re welcome babe,” Dean responded, trying out the nickname. He figured Cas liked it because of the way he practically purred as the word came out of Dean’s mouth. 

“Oh,” Cas said, his eyes popping open. “Do you want me to return the favor?”

Dean wanted that more than anything, but thought that maybe they should head back downstairs before John got suspicious. “I think we’d better go back downstairs. My dad might wonder where we are.” 

Cas nodded and sat up, looking around for his pants. Dean picked them up off the floor and handed them over, all the while thinking about unattractive things to try and make his boner go away.


	8. Chapter 8

-Cas-

That Christmas and New Year’s was by far the best Cas had ever experienced. Bobby, Ellen, and Sam made him feel like part of the family and it filled a little hole in him that he hadn’t known needed filling. 

It seemed too soon for he and Dean to be packing up the Impala and rolling out of the long driveway, but they were headed back to school. Cas never wanted to leave Singer’s Auto Repair. He would be perfectly content staying there with Dean forever, but he could tell Dean was anxious to get away. John hadn’t stuck around long after Christmas morning, but he was omitting angry vibes the whole rest of the time he was there. 

Dean sighed and pulled Cas out of his thoughts. He glanced over at Dean and was surprised to see that his eyes were welled up with tears.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Cas asked gently, reaching over to take Dean’s hand. 

Dean sniffed and smiled a little. “Nothing, it’s nothing. Just hard to leave, that’s all.”

“I thought you were excited to get back to school?”

“I am, but I like it here too, and I really hate leaving Sam here without me, especially when he’s not living with Bobby and Ellen,” Dean explained, wiping his cheeks with his sleeve. 

Cas squeezed his hand. “Well you can come back any time you want.”

“You’re right, and you can come with me,” Dean said, bringing Cas’ hand up to his lips to kiss it. 

 

After unpacking their things Cas and Dean made their way to the bookstore to buy the few lab manuals that weren’t available on Amazon. Dean smiled at Cas as they stood in the long check-out line. 

“What?” Cas asked, a smile breaking out on his face too.

“Nothing,” Dean answered, smirking more. 

“There’s something.”

“Just,” Dean paused. “Thanks for dealing with the crying.”

“Dean, I’m not sure how you haven’t noticed yet but I’ll deal with anything you throw at me. And there’s really no reason to thank me because that’s what I’m here for.”

Dean smiled again and knocked his shoulder against Cas’. Cas smiled back at him and felt a warmth growing in his chest that he couldn’t really explain other than it got bigger every time he looked at Dean.

 

Classes had been back in session for about two weeks when Dean got the phone call. He and Cas were sitting on Cas’ bed together working through their homework when his phone rang. 

“Hey Sammy, what’s up?” Dean said, reaching out to stroke at the back of Cas’ hand. Cas had noticed that Dean liked to touch him whenever he could. Not necessarily in a romantic way, but just to know that he was still there and that this dream they were living in was real life. 

“What?” Dean shot off of the bed and out the door, not even putting his shoes on. Cas stood up and followed Dean out into the hall. Dean motioned for Cas to stay there, so he went back into the room and looked out the window. Their room faced the back of the dorm so he couldn’t see whose car Dean was going down to let in but he guessed it was Sam. 

Cas paced the room nervously until Dean came back. Sam was with him and he was black and blue all over. 

“Sam?” Cas asked, clearing a spot on Dean’s bed for Sam to sit. Dean walked Sam over to his bed and squatted down in front of his little brother. One of his eyes was swollen shut and he had a big cut going down his forehead. He was cradling his left wrist and his ribs. “What happened?” Cas asked, going to stand behind Dean.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Dean said, rubbing Sam’s leg. “Can you go find some ice?” 

“Of course,” Cas answered, turning to leave the room. He had no idea where he would find an ice machine but he would ask around until he found one. 

 

When he got back to the room with a bag of icy snow, the best he could do, Sam was sipping at some water and Dean was on the phone. He was surprisingly calm, which was unsettling to Cas. 

“Here,” Cas whispered, handing the bag to Sam. Sam eyed it warily. “It was the best I could do, but the bag is clean,” Cas explained. Sam put the ice on his eye and forehead, wincing at the pressure. 

Unsure what else to do, Cas sat at Dean’s desk and waited until he was off the phone. Both he and Sam were silent and could hear the sound of the voice on the other end of the line. It sounded like Ellen, which would explain why Dean was so calm. 

“Okay,” Dean said once he hung up. “Let’s go over this from the top.” 

Cas could tell he was trying to keep his composure but now that he was off the phone it was getting harder for him to do. 

Sam took a deep breath and started talking. “After Christmas when you guys came back here Dad started asking me questions about you two. If you were together or not. He seemed to notice how much time you spent together and how often you snuck upstairs together. 

“Anyway, he kept asking me about it and I changed the subject or asked him a question to answer his question. I did that for as long as I could because I knew he would be furious if he found out about you two. I tried to protect you Dean, I really did but I’m sure that he knows now,” Sam was getting all worked up. 

Dean went and sat next to him. “It’s okay Sammy, it’s not your fault. You need to calm down, okay?”

Sam nodded, taking a deep breath. “This afternoon when I got home from school he was already home, which is never a good sign. I went inside and tried to sneak into my room before he saw me but he was waiting for me in the living room. I tried to ignore him but he was saying really terrible stuff about you Dean, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I told him that if he had a problem with you that he should just leave it be because you don’t live here anymore and that’s when he snapped. 

“He just went crazy with the punches. I’m not really sure how I got out, but I got on a bus and came here. I knew he would go looking for me at Bobby’s so I came here.” Sam was getting worked up again. “Don’t make me go back Dean, please don’t make me go back there, please.” Sam had started crying and Cas felt a wave of guilt wash over him. If he had stayed at school or not been so clingy and desperate for Dean’s attention none of this would have happened.

“Hey, hey it’s okay. I just talked to Ellen and she said you can stay with them for as long as you want to. Relax. I won’t make you go back to stay with him,” Dean hushed, pulling Sam into his arms.

Cas felt like he was intruding so he got up and went to the bathroom. Once he was hidden in a stall he let himself cry for a minute. He’d never felt so guilty about anything before. 

After a minute he wiped his eyes and collected himself. Now was not the time to feel sorry. Sam needed help, and he would do whatever was asked of him. He went back to his room and saw that Dean was packing a small bag. 

“I’m gonna take Sam to Ellen’s. I’ll be back in the morning, okay?” Dean stuffed his toothbrush in the bag and zipped it up.

“Okay. Drive safe,” Cas said quietly, hoping Dean wasn’t angry at him. 

“I will. Goodnight.” Dean kissed Cas and was out the door with Sam before Cas had a chance to say anything else. 

 

That night Cas got zero sleep. He tossed and turned all night, searching for a position that was comfortable enough to stay in but his brain wouldn’t let him relax enough to fall asleep. How could he have been so stupid? Dean told him that John wasn’t going to approve of them being together and Cas acted like they were anyway. Looking back, he could see all the times that he had held Dean’s hand or wiped something off his face that he thought were subtle but really were probably pretty obvious to anyone watching. 

Resisting the urge to pinch his arms, Cas got up and stuffed his feet into his slippers. He needed to do something other than think about what had happened, so he went for a walk around the dorm. It was eerily silent in the middle of the night; no one taking a shower or blaring music or moving furniture. The common rooms were dark and empty and there was no one in the lobby watching the big tv that was there. 

Wandering the halls made Cas think of the last time he was so angry with himself. It was right after Balthazar had died, when Cas was so overcome with grief that he couldn’t see why he hadn’t noticed something was wrong with his friend before it was too late. That had been a dark time in Cas’ life and he didn’t want to revisit the feelings he’d had, but it seemed like there was no choice about it for this situation. 

-Dean-

 

Sam was silent on the drive home. It made Dean very uneasy because Sam was usually the talkative one. 

“Sam, please don’t get all in your head about this,” Dean said, reaching out to turn the radio off. “He would’ve found out eventually. It’s not your fault.” 

Sam sighed but didn’t say anything. Dean glanced over and saw that he was crying. Without thinking twice about it Dean pulled the Impala off to the side of the road and turned to face Sam. 

“Sammy, look at me,” Dean said, reaching out to grab Sam’s arm. 

“Can we just go home Dean? I want to go home,” Sam whispered, tears streaking his cheeks. 

“We will, just look at me for a second.” Sam turned his head and Dean felt his chest deflate. “Please do not blame yourself for this. You just happened to be there when he got mad about it, okay? It was meant for me, not you. You don’t deserve any of this and I wish I was there to stop it from happening. I really do Sam, I feel awful about it, but you can’t let him get inside your head.” Dean wished he could take away all of Sam’s pain and make it so John could never touch him again but there was no easy way to do that. 

“I’m sorry that he knows now. I tried to keep it a secret. He was just saying so many bad things about you that aren’t true it made me angry and I acted without thinking and now he’s going to come after you,” Sam sobbed, leaning into Dean’s chest. 

“Don’t worry about me, Sam. Stay out of his way until your birthday and we can get you settled someplace else, okay? With me or with Bobby and Ellen. We’ll figure it out. Just don’t worry about me. I will be perfectly fine, okay? He can’t hurt me here.” Dean wrapped his arms around Sam and hugged him until his sobs turned into hiccups and there were no more tear streaks on his cheeks. 

Dean let Sam go and turned back around in his seat. “Now let’s get you to Bobby’s. Ellen wants me to hurry so she can see that you’re okay with her own eyes.”

 

After Sam was settled and asleep in the bed next to Dean’s, Dean opened his phone. Cas had texted him a few hours ago.

I’m sorry

Dean texted back asking what Cas was sorry about, but didn’t get a response. Knowing that Sam was safe here with people who loved him watching out for him, Dean let himself fall asleep.

 

In the morning Dean woke up when Ellen came in to check on Sam. 

“Good morning,” Ellen whispered. 

“How’s he doing?” Dean asked, sitting up and running his hands through his hair. 

“He’s got quite the shiner, but looks okay to me.”

“He was so upset last night. I haven’t seen him that bad in a long time,” Dean said, standing to follow Ellen downstairs so they could talk without waking Sam. “He thinks that Dad’s gonna come after me because he knows that Cas and I are together and feel so guilty about it, like Dad wouldn’t have found out eventually.”

“You know he’s right, don’t you? Your dad will probably lash out somehow.” Ellen poured herself a cup of coffee and stirred some hot chocolate powder into a mug of hot water for Dean. “You have to be ready for that.”

“Gee, way to be positive about the situation,” Dean huffed, taking the mug from Ellen’s hand.

“Well, I’m just being realistic. There’s only so much Bobby and I can do to protect you now that you live at school.” She sat down next to him and watched him with her eagle eyes. 

“Yeah, I know that, but still that seems a little drastic even for him, don’t you think?” Dean took a sip of his hot chocolate and tried to settle the uneasy feeling in his stomach. 

“I wouldn’t underestimate him. I would hope he wouldn’t do something like that, but you need to be aware.”

Dean sighed. “I will be. And I can take care of myself if he does find me. Just promise me you’ll take care of Sam,” Dean said, his voice breaking.

“Oh honey, of course we will. Don’t worry about a thing while he’s here. We’ll keep him safe,” Ellen said, reaching an arm around Dean’s shoulders and hugging him. She kissed the top of his head and ruffled his hair. “What time are you going to head back to school?” 

Dean glanced at the clock on the stove. He’d already missed his 8am but he wasn’t planning on making it to that one. “I should probably head out within the next 20 minutes.” 

“Do you need anything? Snacks, soap, shampoo?” Ellen stood up and took their empty mugs to the sink.

“I’m okay. Thank you though,” Dean said as he stood up. “I’m gonna go shower and say goodbye to Sam. Then I’ll head out.”

“Okay sweetie. Make sure you give me a hug before you go.”

Dean went upstairs and took a fast shower so that he could have time to talk with Sam if he wanted to chat. 

“Sam?” Dean gently poked Sam’s slumbering body.

“What?” Sam snapped, rolling over to look at Dean. 

“I have to go back to school. Just wanted to say goodbye.” Dean sat on the edge of Sam’s bed and took in the sight of his baby brother, all beat to hell. It filled him with a rage that burned the back of his throat and made his vision white. 

“You really have to go already?” Sam sat up so that he could give Dean a hug. 

“If I miss too many lectures I’ll fall way behind.” Dena wrapped his arms gently around Sam and hugged him for a long while.

“I’m sorry,” Sam said for the hundredth time. 

“Sam, it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. Nothing.” Dean pulls back from Sam and looked him in the eye. “None of this was because of you, it was because of me and I’m sorry that you were the kid Dad found first. Bobby and Ellen will keep him away for awhile, as long as they can. You’re safe here.” 

“I know.” Sam paused. “Do you have to go?” 

“Yeah Sammy, I have to go. I wish you could come with me but you have school and you wouldn’t like the dining hall food very much.” Dean tried to lighten the mood. 

Sam hugged Dean again before letting him go back to school, tears in his eyes as Dean walked out the door. 

-Cas-

Taking the walk did nothing to help Cas sleep or feel better. When he got back to his room he sat as his desk and tried to figure out a way to organize his thoughts. His high school guidance counselor had shown him a way to write everything he was feeling out in a table, which Cas liked because then it seemed like he could analyze it and put everything into neat categories. He wasn’t sure if that would work this time. 

He decided to write Dean a letter explaining what he was doing and why. It took three drafts, but he finally got it to sound right and placed it on Dean’s bed. He would make himself scarce when Dean got back from dropping Sam off so that he didn’t have to see the look on Dean’s face as he read what Cas had written. That they should just be friends so no one else got hurt. 

Cas had thought long and hard about his decision, but in the end he had convinced himself that ending their relationship seemed like the best choice. Surely Dean was angry with him for making the fact that they were together so obvious when Dean had explicitly told Cas to follow his lead while John was around. His letter contained exactly 37 apologies. Cas counted them before he sealed the envelope. He felt like that was too many, but that’s how sorry he was for fucking everything up. He had to tell Dean how sorry he was so that Dean wouldn’t be mad at him forever. Not having Dean in his life wasn’t an option, so he needed Dean to know that he didn’t mean to get Sam hurt. 

 

Cas was walking to the library after class when Dean called him. He swallowed around the knot in his chest and answered his phone. 

“Hello Dean.”

“Where are you? We need to talk about your letter. Now. I know you don’t have class.” Dean sounded like he’d been crying. 

“I’m headed to the library. I figured you wouldn’t want to see me.”

“Well you’re wrong. Please come talk to me about this,” Dean pleaded. 

Cas felt tears welling up in his eyes. “Fine. But I don’t think we have anything to discuss.”

When Cas walked into their room Dean leapt up from his desk and flung his arms around Cas. Cas certainly wasn’t expecting that. 

“Dean, I’m so sorry that I did this,” Cas whispered, tears falling from his eyes. 

“Why are you sorry?” Dean asked, pulling Cas the rest of the way inside before closing the door behind him. 

“It’s all in the letter.”

“Well explain it to me in person. I still don’t understand.” Dean sat on his bed and patted the spot next to him. Cas sat next to him and took a deep breath. 

“You told me before your dad got to Bobby’s that you needed me to play it cool while he was around and obviously I didn’t do a very good job. He noticed, and Sam got hurt, and if that’s going to happen because of me than I think it’s best for you and Sam if I’m not in the picture anymore.” Cas wiped his eyes and tried to convince his heart that breaking up with Dean was what had to happen to keep him safe, but instead of responding logically he felt inexplicably sad. 

Dean sat silent for a minute. He seemed to be deciding what to say, all the while tears were slipping down his cheeks. 

Cas felt terrible for making Dean cry. He wanted to reach over and rip the letter to shreds, to make it disappear, but it was the best option. 

“Why do you think I’m mad at you?” Dean asked, his voice breaking. 

“How are you not mad at me? Look at what happened to Sam!” Cas couldn’t understand why Dean couldn’t wrap his head around this. 

“You think that Sam never got hit before you came along? You think I never got hit before you? Cas, my dad will use anything as an excuse to pretend we’re punching bags. He always has, ever since my mom died. So don’t you dare put this on yourself. Don’t you dare.” Dean sounded so serious, almost like he was angry. “This is crazy.” Dean waved the letter around. 

“I think that it’s what needs to happen though,” Cas responded. 

Dean started at him, his eyes going dead. “You can’t be serious?”

Cas nodded and looked at the ground, unable to keep Dean’s gaze any longer. 

“You’re breaking up with me?” Dean sounded devastated. 

“Dean. I don’t know what else to do. I just love you so much, I can’t stand to see you or Sam get hurt because of me.” Cas almost threw up on the floor when he realized what he’d said. 

“You-you love me? But you’re breaking up with me? In the same sentence?” Dean was turning a nasty shade of pale green, like he also wanted to throw up. 

“Dean, I-” Cas started. 

Dean cut him off by standing abruptly. “No, Cas you don’t get to do this. Not right now. The damage is already done, there’s no reason for you to break up with me now.”

“But looked what happened because of me!” Cas couldn’t understand why Dean didn’t see his logic.

Dean grabbed Cas by the arms and pulled him into his body. “Cas, this was not your fault. It’s not your fault any more than it was Sam’s fault. Do you think Sam’s to blame for this?” Dean pulled Cas down to sit next to him on his bed. 

“Of course it’s not Sam’s fault,” Cas said through tears.

“So then how is it your fault? The only person I blame here is my dad. He’s the one that hit Sam, not you. Can you see where I’m coming from?”

“But won’t it just happen again because we’re still together?” Cas couldn’t stand the thought of that happening again. 

“It might, but Bobby and Ellen are gonna keep Sam safe. And we can’t let my dad control our happiness. He’s an asshole, we already knew that. I’ve accepted the fact that he’ll never be proud of anything I do and I know that I need to make myself and my mom proud, and Cas, she would be proud of us. She wouldn’t want us to break up just so my dad can find another reason to hit us. She would want me to be happy, and I am happy with you. Not without you. With you. Haven’t you been happy with me?”

“This is the happiest I’ve been in my whole life,” Cas answered.

“So why are you throwing it away?” Dean exclaimed, grasping Cas’ hands like they were the only thing keeping him alive. 

“To keep you safe,” Cas answered, hating himself for making Dean cry like he was.

“You don’t get it! Nothing you do will keep us safe from him! There will always be another reason for him to hit us! The fact that we’re alive and my mom isn’t is reason enough for him to hate our existence.” Dean paused and blew his nose. “Look, I’m safe here. Sam is safe at Bobby’s and he only has a few more months until he can be emancipated. Then he can live with Bobby and Ellen until college and we’ll be free. We don’t need to break up. Please Cas, please don’t do this. I need you.”

Cas shook his head. “Dean, I have to. I know you don’t understand, but this is what I need to do. I can’t stay with you knowing I cause you and Sam pain.”

“Listen to me! You’re not hearing what I’m saying! We’ll be fine no matter what. Cas, I need you in my life. I do. I’ve only ever needed one other person before. Sam. But now I need you too. You’re as necessary as air for to me.

“My point is, you shouldn’t break up with me just because of something my dad did. I’m trying not to let him have control over my life anymore, and you leaving because of him really doesn’t help me with that.”

“Dean, I-” Cas started, feeling tears slip down his cheeks. 

“No, please. Let’s give it a week, okay? We can let everything calm down and go back to normal and then you can decide, okay?” Dean was begging, he knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself. 

“Okay,” Cas responded after what felt like a year. “Okay.”

-Dean-

Dean collapsed into Cas’ arms, letting the sobs he’d been holding in out. Cas was crying too, his arms holding Dean loosely. He stopped crying quickly, just long enough so he didn’t feel so panicked.

“I have to leave for lab. Dinner after?” Cas asked, pulling away from Dean. Dean could tell that things were going to feel different now; more forced than they had been less than 24 hours prior. 

“Yeah, I’ll be here,” Dean answered. As soon as Cas left the room Dean picked up his phone and called Ellen, unsure about who else he could talk to. 

“Hey sweetie, you back at school yet?”

Dean sniffled, tears springing back into his eyes at the sound of her voice. “Yeah.”

“Dean? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Ellen was in concerned mom mode now and Dean knew there was no getting out of this phone call now, even if he regretted it. “No,” he answered. “Cas wants to break up with me.” Admitting it outlaid hurt more than he expected it to and he broke down crying again. 

When Ellen had calmed him down a lot, Dean started at the beginning and told her everything. 

“Oh honey, I wish I was there to give you a hug.” She paused, thinking for a moment. “Tell you what, why don’t you and Cas come home this weekend and we can talk some sense into him, okay?”

“Okay,” Dean answered, glad that he would at least be going home. “How’s Sam doing?”

“He’s better. He slept through school today but he’ll go tomorrow. He’s a little quiet, you know how he gets. He’ll be happy to know you’re coming home again soon.”

Dean smiled weakly at that. “Tell him I said hi.” 

“I will sweetie. You gonna be okay?” Ellen asked. 

“Yeah. I just didn’t know who else to talk to.”

“You can always call me. Even if you just want to talk about nothing.”

“Thanks Ellen. I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye hun.”

Dean hung up and sat back on his bed. He couldn’t wait to be home. He wasn’t usually one to be homesick but right now, anywhere would be better than school where he had to live with someone who loved him but wanted to break up with him.

Deciding a shower would make him feel better, Dean gathered up his shower caddy and towel and went down the hall to take the longest shower he could manage. 

 

When Cas got back from lab they went to dinner like they said they would. It was quiet and awkward and Dean thought he might throw up the whole time. They ate quickly and went back to their room. 

“Cas,” Dean started, grabbing Cas’ hands as he walked by to go to his desk.

“Dean, please stop making this harder on us than it has to be,” Cas said, pulling his hands free of Dean’s grip. 

“So I take it we’re not sleeping together anymore?” Dean felt tears in his eyes. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you are! Can’t you see that? You acting like you hat me hurts! It hurts so much that I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing but I do! I’m feeling all of it!” Dean was crying now, loud sobs between shouts. 

Cas came over to Dean and wrapped him in his arms. “Okay, okay. It’s okay.”

“No, nothing is okay. You told me that you loved me, Cas. You can’t just say that shit and then leave. That’s not okay!”

“I’m not leaving! Okay? I’m right here! You said to let things cool down, so I am. I’m not going anywhere, Dean.”

Dean held onto Cas until his sobs stopped and he was left feeling empty.


	9. Chapter 9

-Dean-

Dean walked through the front door of Ellen and Bobby’s and sighed. It felt relieving to be back even though he hadn’t been gone for that long. Cas walked in behind him and carried his backpack upstairs to their room. 

Bobby was still at work in the garage, so Dean went out behind the house to see if he could find him. He didn’t want to sit in miserable, uncomfortable silence with Cas for another second. 

In the garage Bobby was sweeping up a pile of dirt off the floor. “Hey kiddo. How ya doin?” Bobby asked when he saw Dean walk up. 

Dean shrugged, not trusting himself to speak without crying.

“Sam should be home soon.” Bobby wasn’t great at making small talk when emotions were running high. 

Dean found a spot on the workbench that was clear enough for him to sit on and watched Bobby clean. He listened to the 80’s rock playing in the background and watched Bobby’s movements, trying to focus on the fact that he was home and that everything would work out once Ellen got here. She would fix everything. “When will Ellen be home?”

“She went to pick Sam up so he didn’t have to walk from the end of the road, so any minute. We were thinking about ordering pizza for dinner, how would you like that?”

“I’m good with whatever,” Dean answered, feeling his eyes beginning to burn. 

Bobby sighed and stopped cleaning up. He walked up to where Dean was sitting and leaned against the bench, both of them looking out towards the open floor of the garage. “I hate to see you this way kid.” Bobby took his hat of for a second to scratch his balding head. “Ellen’s been worried sick about you since you called and now I understand why. That boy must have you real distraught if you’re being all quiet at me.”

Dean took a deep breath and pulled himself together long enough to spit out a sentence. “I can just tell how much he doesn’t want to be with me.”

“Well when Ellen and Sam get home we’ll have a nice family meeting and sort everything out.”

“I feel like he won’t like that much.” Dean felt like a wuss for bringing the whole family into his love life. 

“Well he’s doing this because of the family issues, so we just need to explain to him that the issues ain’t gonna disappear if he goes away,” Bobby said, picking the broom back up. “Don’t stress about it kiddo. It’ll all work out.”

“I hope so,” Dean mumbled, wiping away a fat tear that had fallen onto his cheek. 

 

“Pizza is here!” Ellen yelled from the kitchen. Dean was sitting on the couch with Sam looking over a science project he had just finished. They got up and went to the table, sitting on the same side. Dean glanced up when Cas walked in from upstairs and felt a little like he might throw up. He wanted this family meeting to be over with and things to go back to normal. 

Ellen stuck two slices of pizza on Dean’s plate and looked at him sternly. “Eat. You look thin.”

Dean nodded, his cheeks flaming. 

When everyone had food on their plates Ellen looked at Bobby and Dean could tell that the family meeting was about to start. 

“So,” Ellen started. “Let’s talk about what’s going on, yeah?”

Dean looked up at Cas. He was pale and had dark circles under his eyes. Dean wanted nothing more than to curl up with him in bed and feel like they used to. 

“Cas, how about you start and explain your side of things,” Ellen directed. 

Dean sat quietly through Cas’ explanation and listened as Ellen and Bobby worked together to help Cas understand that it wasn’t his fault, what John did to Sam. That no one blamed him and that he was causing more pain than John had that night. 

Even Sam piped in and gave Cas his two cents about hurting Dean the way he was. As Sam was talking Dean was watching Cas’ face. He could see Cas breaking down, realizing that Dean had been right all along. Before long there were tears falling off Cas’ cheeks and onto the table. 

“Have we come to a realization here?” Ellen asked softy.

Cas nodded and wiped his nose with his sleeve. “I’m so sorry Dean. I just don’t want you to get hurt because of me.”

Dean held out his arms and Cas got up from the table to hug him. “Shit, I’ve missed you,” Dean whispered when Cas was close enough to hear him. 

“Me too Dean. Me too.”

 

Dean woke up to Cas leaning over him to reach the water bottle on his desk. There was dim light coming through the windows, and Dean guessed it was early. 

“What time is it?” Dean asked, rolling over to face Cas once he was lying down again. 

“About 4:30,” Cas answered between chugs of water. He leaned over Dean to put the water bottle back on the desk. “Why are you awake?”

“Don’t know. Might have something to do with the lump that was squishing me to get the water,” Dean joked, his voice hoarse from sleep.

Cas giggled and snuggled up to Dean’s side, grabbing his hand. 

They held hands until they fell back asleep.

 

Dean’s second semester was coming to a close and he was excited to spend the summer working at Bobby’s with Cas by his side. Dean had talked with Ellen and Bobby about it and they collectively decided, with Sam’s input, that Cas should stay with them until they moved back to school because of how much he hated his own home. 

Whistling to himself, Dean sauntered across the quad to his dorm. He was about to let himself in when his phone rang. It was finally nice outside, so he went to a nearby picnic table and sat down to answer the phone. It was Sam.

“Hey Sammy, what’s up?” Dean asked, picking up some pine needles that had fallen onto the table and rolling them between his fingers. 

“Dean, I think Dad’s on his way to find you.” Sam sounded panicked. 

“Why do you think that?” Dean felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He looked around, feeling silly for being afraid that John might be watching him. 

“Since I moved back to his house he’s been pestering me about you and Cas. I haven’t said anything directly, but he just wouldn’t leave me alone about you guys. I said something about Cas staying with you at Bobby’s and maybe finding an apartment together next year and he took it way too far, saying you were still together and freaking out about it. 

“I told him it wasn’t like that, to try and cool him down, but he just stormed out and I just want you to be careful. I’m so sorry Dean. I didn’t mean for him to get mad again.”

Dean took a deep breath. “It’s not your fault, Sam. I’m gonna go find Cas and make sure he’s okay. I’ll call you later.”

“Bye,” Sam said. Dean could hear the worry in his voice and felt a rock sink to the bottom of his stomach. What would he do if John did show up here? And, even more important, what was John planning to do? 

Dean got up and called Cas while going into his dorm. As long as he stayed in the dorm he was safe, John needed a key to get into the dorm. Not like he even knew where Dean lived. Taking a deep breath, Dean began to feel ridiculous for being scared. Even if John did show up, he wouldn’t know where to start looking to find Dean or Cas. He couldn’t get into the dorm or the dining hall. They were safe. 

“Cas?” Dean asked, letting himself into his room. The phone had stopped ringing but Cas didn’t say anything immediately.

“Sorry, hold on,” Cas whispered. Dean could hear him walking someplace echoey.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked.

“Yes, I was just in the library. I’m outside now. What’s up?”

“Sam just called. He thinks my dad’s on his way to beat the snot out of me. I just wanted to make sure you were someplace safe,” Dean explained. 

“Oh,” Cas paused. “I’m fine here at the library. Do you need me with you? Are you okay?”

Dean nodded before realizing that Cas couldn’t see him. “Yeah, yeah I’m okay.”

“Your hesitation worries me. I’ll be back at the room shortly.”

“Cas it’s really fine. Get your studying done.”

“I can study in our room. Be right there.” Dean could hear him walking back through the echoey place again, and then he heard the phone get set down on a table. He paced while Cas walked back outside where he could talk again. “I’m here, Dean,” Cas said. 

“So am I.” Dean wasn’t really sure what to say. He and Cas hardly every talked on the phone, they didn’t even really text all that much. 

“I’m walking across the quad.”

Dean smiled, looking out the window. “I have a visual.” Cas did a funky dance move, looking up at their window. Dean laughed, the anxiousness lifting off his chest. “Man, I love you Cas,” he said, smiling widely. Cas stopped outside in front of their window. 

“You love me?” Cas asked, looking up to see Dean standing in the window looking down at him. 

“With my whole heart I love you.”

Cas just stood there looking up at him. 

“Are you gonna say something or ya gonna stand there til it gets dark and cold?” Dean asked. 

Cas smiled and shook his head.

“You okay?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. It just feels really nice to hear you say it.” Cas started walking again and Dean waited for him to get into the room before saying anything else. 

“I’m at the stairs. I’m hanging up now,” Cas said, breaking the silence.

“Okay,” Dean responded, waiting until the air was dead before pulling his phone away from his face. He leaned on the window sill and waited for Cas to open their door. 

Cas looked pale as he walked through the door. 

“Look Cas, if you like hearing me say it that much I can say it all day everyday until I die.” Dean walked up to Cas and went to put his arms around him when Cas pushed him away, his movements so harsh he was almost slapping Dean’s hands away. Dean was so focused on why Cas was reacting that way that he didn’t know someone else had snuck into the room until they spoke. 

“Dean Winchester, I have never been more disappointed of you in my whole goddamn life,” John seethed through clenched teeth. 

Dean’s whole body froze as he moved his eyes to look over Cas’ shoulder at his father who had, somehow, found out where Dean lived and broken into his dorm. 

“Sam keep telling me you two were just friends but I could tell the little bastard was lying,” John started, walking slowly closer to Dean, who had pushed Cas behind him. 

“So what? I’m allowed to love whoever I want to and you can’t change my mind,” Dean said, hoping he sounded braver than he felt. 

“You sure about that?” John was close to Dean now, peering down threateningly at him. 

“Yes sir, I am.” 

That seemed to have broken John’s momentary calmness and he snapped forward, grabbing Dean’s arms and slinging him up against the dresser. 

Dean hissed in pain and saw Cas run out of the room, hoping that he didn’t give what he’d seen away to John. It seemed like a long time before a string of football players led by Benny, one of Dean’s friends from economics, ran into the room and tackled John to the floor. 

“Are you okay?” Benny asked once John was down for the count. 

Dean nodded, grimacing as he moved his shoulder. He wasn’t sure, but he thought maybe it was dislocated. 

“You sure? Don’t look okay to me,” Benny responded, giving Dean a once over with his eyes. 

“I think my shoulder’s fucked but I can wait til this is taken care of to go to the clinic.” Dean watched as half the football team sat on his father until three campus police officers showed up ready for a fight. The oldest one, who talked to Dean, looked relieved that John was already down and that he didn’t have to get physical. 

“Want to tell me what’s going on here?” The old officer asked once the other two had taken John downstairs in hand cuffs. 

Dean looked over at Cas, thanking him silently with his eyes as he took a deep breath and started talking. 

-Cas-

Cas was waiting anxiously in Dean’s empty hospital room while Dean was taken for a CT. He jumped to his feet when he saw Bobby, Ellen, and Sam asking a nurse where Dean’s room was. 

“Ellen!” Cas called. 

Ellen ran over to where Cas was standing and wrapped him in a hug. Bobby followed quickly, but didn’t run. He patted Cas on the shoulder when they turned to go into Dean’s room to wait for him. 

“Is he okay?” Ellen asked, panic evident in her eyes. 

“They think he dislocated his shoulder but yeah, for the most part he’s okay,” Cas responded, running a hand through his hair the way he’d seen Dean do it when he was stressed. 

“Are you okay?” Ellen asked after a moment. 

Cas took a deep breath, ready to say that he was feeling surprisingly okay, when he felt tears streaming down his face. Ellen wrapped him in her arms again and slowly rocked him back and forth until his tears had dried. 

“Hey guys. Having a party without me?” Dean asked as a nurse wheeled him back into his room.

Everyone sprang from their seats and watched anxiously as Dean moved from the wheelchair to his bed. 

“How are ya feelin?” Bobby asked once Dean was settled.

“I’m fine, you guys really didn’t have to come all the way out here,” Dean said, reaching out to hold Cas’ hand. 

“Oh, don’t be silly,” Ellen hushed, running her fingers through Dean’s hair. 

Dean smirked at Sam who was huddled in the corner. “Sammy, smile. I’m fine.”

Sam cracked a tiny smile, one he obviously didn’t mean and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“So,” Dean started. “Who’s gonna talk about the elephant in the room?”

Ellen and Bobby shared a glance before Bobby told Dean how John had been arrested and charged with assault. He had a court hearing in a few weeks but he’d be locked up until then and God knows that none of them were paying bail to get him out. 

“So Sam can stay with you for good now?” Dean asked, hope shimmering in his eyes.

“Until the hearing for sure, but after that we have to see what the judge decides. We’ll fight to keep him with us and the lawyer we talked to at the police station said we have a great chance of keeping him with us,” Ellen said, taking over the explanation for Bobby. 

Dean seemed content with that answer and relaxed back into his pillows, closing his eyes. 

“We can leave and let you rest,” Ellen said, running her hand through Dean’s hair again. 

Dean leaned into her touch and sighed. “No, stay. Please.” 

Cas felt Dean’s grip tighten around his hand. He squeezed back and smiled down at the young man who loved him. 

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this and for your support! This is the first long fic I've written and your feedback would be super helpful for the next one I write.


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